As someone who’s still in school and has struggled with this for several years now, I feel anxious about everything and nobody really wants me there.
Whenever I bring up something important (positive or negative), it just always seems to be skipped over in conversation and I feel like nobody cares about what I have to say. I feel too selfish for having these thoughts because my friends probably feel the same way, but it happens so often and I just feel that nobody cares about me or my problems, even when at least make an effort to help them.
I feel like I’m becoming more to handle every day and that I don’t deserve to be here. I’ve been quitting everything and shutting myself out because of my fear of rejection. I mess up everything I do and I don’t want to be told I’m a burden when I already know. My weight has been increasing and I’ve had worse mood swings by the month. At this point I feel I have no real friends because they’ve all gone their different ways, and my parents don’t like that I’m becoming a recluse- it’s like I’ve let them down, too, and they don’t want anything to do with me.
For the first time in my life, I feel truly alone.
I have these feelings 24/7 playing in my head, and it’s become too much for me. I can’t find a way out. I’m scared for what I might be doing to myself in a couple weeks.
This sounds so familiar. Why does it? Oh, right, because IT IS ME. Are you a piece of my soul wandering around or am I a piece of yours? Either way, I get it.
I always feel like people are ignoring what I say, making me feel pointless and selfish.
It hurts, doesn’t it? I know. Does anybody care?
Ask them. Don’t be afraid to be a little deep sometimes. It’s hard to be honest. But we all have anxiety. Tell your parents, maybe say how you feel like no one cares because they don’t really listen to me.
I’ve been shutting myself out for years. Someone once told me, ‘people strive through hard things because they’re willing to sustain the pain in order to get the reward.’
I’ve realized lately because I shut myself out by myself, I don’t think the reward of friendship and closeness is worth the pain of rejection. I had a really bad experience with it, so trust me, I get what’s in your heart.
I don’t have a magical cure or words that will make your friends see your point of view.
But. Friends are important.
People who are precious to you… to have that is a blessing. And we won’t know that if we’re always shutting ourselves out at every opportunity.
Take a deep breath. Your thoughts are lying to you. You’re not this burden you think you are. You’re overthinking, like we all do.
Alone, we’re weak and scared. I know how that fear of rejection feels, how overwhelming it is. But you can be strong if you have others. Don’t give up. Not this time. Not this month. Kick your anxiety’s ass. I’m with you, and rooting for you.
People care. Sometimes we don’t see it, so let them know.
Songs to drown out the thoughts: Carolyn - Black Veil Brides
Crawling - Linkin Park
End of Me - Ashes Remain
Introduction: Resurrection - Andy Black
Nowhere - Ashley Purdy
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Thank you for the message. I feel a little bit better and started to tear up a little because I read this right before I considered doing something damging.
On my parents, though, my problem is they WON’T listen to me. I’ve tried sitting them down more than once, and it always ends in failure. I’m sure they know, but don’t want to fully admit it (as seen above). In fact, just this week I got scolded for not “being myself” and always seeming like I’m doing bad, but they just can’t get it through them I can’t be how they want. My friends might listen if we talk but there has been a bit of toxicity which might be a reason for this that I’m just seeing now, so thank you for opening my eyes. I might not be able to talk to anyone about it, but it does feel better knowing why I might not have a voice.
On a different note, thank you for the song suggestions! I’m a huge music person and excited to listen. And of course, I’ll try my best to keep going, especially through harder times. Thank you.
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