I feel like such a let down (little bit of venting)

I really need to pull myself together, so I won’t end up crying right now.
I talked to my mom about not wanting to go to school today, because I absolutely don’t feel like I can handle that. Looks like it landed on deaf ears. I also texted my friends a few minutes ago, that I’m not sure if I can actually manage to see them. But now I just feel like a complete let down, because they had been so happy about seeing me again. I just can’t help it. I feel like I’m always letting everyone down, because my anxiety keeps me from doing things, like going out with them or even coming to school! God, I hate myself so much for this.

Edit: And I just got into a big fight with my mom about it. I get, that all this is stressing her out too, but pressuring me into doing this and yelling at me won’t make it any better.

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Im sorry that your mom isnt being respective to you right now. I understand how hard it is being told you have to do something that gives you anxiety. This dose not make you a disappointment though. Im sorry that your anxiety is keeping you from doing things that you want to do. Maybe you could ask your friends to come over and see you instead of leaving the house today. Have you talked to them about your anxiety they might be able to understand and help you through this.

You are NOT a disappointment!

They do know about my anxiety, and that I get panic attacks. But we never really spoke about how bad it has become. I should probably do that, but I never know how to even begin a conversation like that…

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ya knowing how to start is hard but Im sure if you had that conversation it would help them understand and be able to help you better.