Recently I’ve only really been in 2 different situations… Feeling extremely low to the point suicide feels like my only way out, or literally feeling nothing at all.
When the numbness comes it’s so empty, but in a way that I want to cut so I can actually make myself feel something… I don’t get enjoyment out of anything… Things I used to get joy from for hours and hours even. Games, playing with my dogs… even music doesn’t do a whole lot, which is insane because music has never failed me… When I’m feeling overwhelmed in my lows, I’m usually able to do some writing and reach out, but during these periods, I can’t do anything. It’s like my life and energy has literally all been sucked away. But in the same breath, I can’t just sleep and hide from it… Even if I did, it never usually helps much. How do you get through those moments that even trying to sleep feels like too much? I know cutting isn’t the answer, but honestly, tonight, I can’t help but think it’s the only I’ll start to feel again… Is my self harm relapse the reason this is even happening?