I don’t feel normal emotions any more. I can’t work or fit into society at all, can’t have any type of relationship with people. I’m drowning in debt because I can’t earn any money. I don’t have support from anyone. I have my first vaccination shot next week and I don’t even want it, feels like I’m being forced into it. What’s the point anyway if I’m just imprisoned indoors all the time? Not just because of the pandemic, been stuck inside for over twenty years now. Over half my life. Even before that I didn’t belong anywhere. If I try going to places I’ll just alienate people because I don’t know how to interact. How can you make conversation when you’re not even human any more? Feel like my heart is just going to stop from lack of any activity or feeling.
Hey @Nikki Thank you so much for writing.
I am so sorry to hear about all of this. I know that it’s tough friend but keep pushing through. Keep being a fighter and hold on no matter what may come.
theres nothing to push through I can’t progress in anything theres just no point in sleeping or eating I’ll be out of money and a home at this rate anyways no point in talking any more either it seems.
Hey Nikki, I’m so glad you’re here. My heart goes out to you right now, especially since you’re feeling so alone in what you’re experiencing.
Can I ask if there was a point you remember starting to feel this way? Did something trigger it or do you feel like it’s just been a slow build up?
I just want you to also know that your feelings are all valid and just because you’re not feeling what other people around you are feeling, doesn’t make you any less human or any less valued.
I’m not sure where you’re from and I’m not going to ask you, but since I don’t have a great deal of experience with any financial assistance, has there been any sort of resources for you at all?
I know it may not be what you’re wanting to hear right now, but just know that you’re worth the fight
I’ve always been an outcast. People expect you to be lost when you’re a teen but once you hit adulthood that all changes. I’ve been in isolation all this time. There’s just no place for me in society or the workplace. Yes, I have benefits but it barely allows you to exist in a physical state, it completely restricts you from trying to improve yourself. There are no mental health resources (they say there are but not really, not unless you can afford it) to help with the bigger problem.
As there are no practical paths for me to take, it just seems pointless if I’m always going to be struggling alone. I’m sorry but I don’t see how a person can be valued or loved when they literally do not and cannot interact with anyone in the world. There’s always that barrier between me and everyone else. Even if there were resources to be had, I’m not sure I’m capable of being able to use them. I just feel as if there’s something really wrong with my brain that no doctor has diagnosed - and I’ve seen plenty - that makes me this way.
Right now, I wish there was just somewhere I could escape to. I can’t think straight. There’s so much debt. My depression, anxiety and paranoia is on overload. I can’t do anything right.
There is someone living with me - I say it that way because there is no relationship any more - I feel sometimes they are purposely trying to make me go mad so I will get committed. I feel they hate me so I’m constantly trying to stay out of their way and this is such a tiny house. I’m basically in a tiny room 24/7. There’s no garden. I got nowhere to go and I don’t feel safe to go for walks alone where I live. I can’t go to my family for support and no friends.
I was considering getting committed anyway just to get away as I feel I’m having a breakdown but there likely be either a huge waiting list or a huge price that I can’t pay. It’s been this way for years. Doctors are never any help. I can’t deal with this feeling of being trapped any more.