within the last 5 days i have had 2 plans to end my life. i dont feel strong right now i dont feel i belong anywhere i feel alone and unloved and like i dont matter i am still talking to my therapist and taking my meds but i am in such a low spot with no end in sight. i know i have friends i know i have my family but i still feel so alone. i reach out to people but feel like i am bothering them or looking for a pitty party and thats all on me. i know i need a med change and if i can just hold on till my appointment in a few weeks that will happen but these thoughts are so strong like i dont belong here anymore and i cant find a reason to stay. i know the people here at hs love and care about me but in this mind set i cant see it just like my family and friends i cant see what lossing me would do to them.
I’m so sorry to hear that you aren’t feeling too great. One common word that I spotted in your post is feel. Please know that feelings aren’t facts - you might feel alone, you might not feel strong, and you might feel like a bother, but these feelings are NOT true. The facts are that you aren’t alone (after all, you have us!), you are VERY strong (look how far you’ve made it!), and I promise that you are NOT a bother. You’re loved so much and your life is extremely valuable. Whenever I’m feeling low, I always keep my focus on my friends and family, and how much pain I would inflict on them if anything happened to me - this tends to keep me pushing until I can see the light again (and you WILL see the light again; emotions change just like the seasons). Please keep in close communication with us. We want to see you beat this! In the meantime, I created the following list for myself to help push me through difficult times; perhaps it can help you too:
- Take deep breaths (“4-7-8 Method”)
- Take herbal mood-enhancing tablets
- Get enough sleep (go to bed early)
- Watch/listen to your favorite comedian
- Download Headspace/Breathe (iOS aps)
- Activate essential oil diffuser (lavender) & mood lights
- Temporarily change music to something relaxing (i.e. Hammock)
I know that you are feeling all these things, and I’m sorry you’re going through it, but they are just feelings. You are NOT a bother, you are NOT unloved. You matter, you are loved, and we are always here for you. I also recommend breathing exercises and the Headspace app for meditation, until you can see your doctor again. Finding the right meds for you is a difficult process but you’ll figure it out soon enough!
We love you! Stay strong!
I am so sorry to hear about the pain you are in right now. I know that thoughts/feelings can seem so, so real. Even when someone else tells you they aren’t true, it may still seem like they are. It can be such a hard battle.
You are strong and wanted and needed. Right now, even if it’s hard for you to believe, choose to believe that we love you, that we are here for you, and we’re cheering you on. I’m sure there’s people in real life who feel the same way about you and would be heartbroken if you took your life.
Maybe right now, none of that makes sense, because the intensity of your thoughts and emotions is weighing so heavily on you. I get that. But even if you don’t believe it right now, trust that it’s true. Even if you don’t feel it. Even if everything in you is fighting it, choose to believe it.
Keep fighting! I know you have it in you! You are loved. Don’t give up!
You are always welcome here no matter what . You are awesome . And we care About you No matter what . You are loved and cherished . And you do belong . And I hope you can get your medication changed cause we want you to succeed. Remember that you are worth it friend and hold fast!