I feel so alone , I am not ok

HeartSupport Support
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I feel so damn alone. I am not ok.
As I am writing this, I am listening to music and crying. I am doing my best to communicate with my significant other on how im feeling i and i told him .
All im feeling rightnow is alone , i feel so damn depressed, sad, worthless, i told him I feel like im fading away . I feel like im just being ignored by him. i mean yeah its late and i need him right now… I Love him but my mind rightnow is thinking of leaving him . But i dont want that .
At the same time i know hes struggling but i know hes not i guess really wanting to “reach out” to me unless hes “told to” to ask if im ok or what not by our friends. I just want things to go back to normal i want the " old him" back .
I am tired of feeling like a piece of shit , im tired of feeling worthles , depressed . I hate how im fading away.
Sometimes i feel like giving up , is it really worth it . Is my relationship worth it anymore. I dont know how much i can keep holding on . I feel like im just going to continously keep breaking down and down and down till i have nothing left.

One of my concerns rightnow is since he does strugle with mental health and the shit he has to deal with at work , is him drinking . i under stand new years him drinking but the next couple days conserns me . the last day i saw him drinking is when he came home from work and poured fireball into his drink which that was janurary 3rd… sometime this week he said something along the lines of him , and alcoholic. i dont remember. I haven’t brought it up to him because i dont know if i have room to talk about it to him , i just dont know anymore . I dont know what to do anymore . I dont know if i can keep holding on. I just want to be done with this. and feeling this way.

“I know I can’t be perfect, but one day I’ll be close
And that’s when someone will love me the most
So I’ll just keep on trying, I’ll do the best I can
I can’t compete just being who I am
I’m just trying to be something that makes you happy
I’m just trying to be something you want
I just want to feel your eyes looking at me
I’m just tired of always being wrong” - Wrong Lisa Cimorelli

4 Likes
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Hi Ashley,
thank you for reaching out. thank you for sharing and being strong.
often, too often many people find their escape in drinking. last year when i struggled extremely i had some
evenings, when i was out, i drank a lot and was drunk as f***. i kind of needed that in that moment for myself.
to escape from my normal shithole of a life. when everything around you is feeling like nothing, this seems like
an easy option. to be honest with myself, i was happy but only for that evenings. on the next day, i started
from the beginning. i can understand your concerns with it. i have colleagues who are “needing” their
beer when coming home or on the weekends. it’s not good for your body and mind afterwards.
addiction will setting in.
the walls we build to protect ourselves, can also be our struggle.
its hard to confront someone with the issue or struggle of drinking to much, you should be aware that you
should only tell them when they are sober. alcohol can have a huge effect on actions and toughts.
i can relate to you feeling lonely. i often feel that. too often in the last years, struggling with self worth and
everything, after christmas i feel like i am in a hole again and again. no escape, no reach to a safe place.
when everything you like , you love is breaking down, you also break down.
around you, its like standing in wood, surrounded by thick trees with no light coming through, the shadow
and darkness settling in, your sight narrowed. your mind constantly in a fog, created from your toughts.
but also, look where you come from. what you have achieved and how strong you are my friend.
you reach out to us, for you. you are tired, i am too and its human. you feel depressed, me too, also human.
giving up should never an option but i can understand it, i also struggle a lot with that. there will be people
who will miss you, the people who love you ! we love you, we care for you. we are here for you anytime you
need us to be, i am also. why ? you are here to be held, not to be missed.
because you are worth it. because you matter ! you are amazing. close your eyes, give yourself a brief
moment of relief and “all you have to do is breath” for that one moment.
you have found darkness and the weakness, you will find the light. you are a light. hold on.
feel hugged :purple_heart:

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Hey Ashley, We love you. You’re never alone.

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I gave really my best insight I could on Discord, but I do suggest you get ahold of https://www.loveisrespect.org/ to help guide you through these hard times in your relationship, since they have counselors skilled in these types of situations, and provide resources and very insightful advice and knowledge. I’m so sorry to see you struggling so hard. Please take it easy on yourself, and practice self care when you can. Hoping for the best.

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Hey Ashley,

You’re dealing with a lot.

But I want you to know that this burden doesn’t have to be carried alone and I’m really proud of you for posting this. I know it isn’t easy to get this stuff off your chest.

The most important thing for you to do is to take a step back for a moment and to care for yourself.

Reading this reminds me of how you can’t fill a cup thats already full. Create some space in your life, even a few minutes a day, to start finding beauty in the small things in life. To take care of your soul and to love yourself again.

Depression is a weird thing to deal with because the most effective way out of depression is bey doing things you don’t want to do… because you’re depressed.

While medication and therapy are incredible tools for dealing with this, not everyone can easily access these things.

Getting your body and mind in motion on a goal, even a small one, every day is so powerful in the way to start emptying that already full cup you have.

I know this sounds dorky, but even making your bed every morning is an acomplishment that, at the end of the day, no matter how bad of a day you had, you can come to and see that you’ve accomplished at least that. Speech To Change Your Life Today! Admiral McRaven "Make Your Bed" Motivational Words Of Wisdom - YouTube

then grow that into taking a short walk outside to get some fresh air and to be present with nature.

Watch a comedy and laugh - laughter is the best medicine. It’s impossible to be sad when you’re cracking up ya know!

find something you enjoy(ed) doing like art, music, writing, reading, anything.

then continue to grow this as like you’re watering a plant! Eventually you’ll flourish :slight_smile:

another small little hack that I like to use every now and again is to put a pen / pencil in your mouth like how a horse has its reigns in its mouth. doing this triggers the muscles in your face that are responsible for smiling. When these muscles are activated, your brain releases some dopamine - lifting your mood a bit!

I’ve gone through hell myself. I was even literally one step away from killing myself because I ignored all of these things that I said above… I HATE seeing other people suffer like that and I want you to know that you can make it to the sunrise…

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From: The Blind Ash

Dearest All_around_ashley I am so sorry you are dealing with a struggle with a partner of any kind. This does sound super tough. I get that the partner struggles with mental health as well but that doesnt mean that he can help you through stuff too. In my opinion a relationship like that is suppose to be a two way street. I will say that after my own experiences I finally meet someone who does this for me. He treats me as valued and that what I am going through is just as important as what he is. If for whatever reason he is in a mentally bad spot mind you he does have lots of mental health issues too but he will let me know. To me it sounds like you are taking on this fear of asking for help but not sure how to proceed. I highly recommend a conversation with him about how you are feeling. No that doesnt need to come in person but it can easily come by a message to him. As for the acohal I really do think you need to bring that up. But also it is not your job to stop his problem only he can do that you can suggest it but you can make him do so. Like the phrase you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink said water. Each person has their own will to do something or not. I know that this might feel like a tough idea but if he isnt showing you the same care that you are giving maybe it is time to reconsider the relationship. I get that you love but it also sounds like your mind is saying that maybe this isnt what you deserve. Sometimes the way we know we need treated and we forget that the treatment we deserve is that love for us. I am sorry if he isnt showing that. I do want you to know that sometimes loving someone for their own good can be to let them go. This is not easy no way shape or form. I do believe though that you need to put yourself first. I get sometimes we forget that but love you as much as you love him. Hold fast Ash