My wifi sucked and didn’t save my post, which was quite long, damn.
I know i’ve said this many times before, but i feel like I can never quite get across how I really feel about this.
I used to be so good at empathising with people, understanding them, being able to offer advice or just being there for them. But now, I am at a point where it’s hard for me to care anymore. It’s hard to find words for people who do not share my coping mechanism.
There is someone who I hold dear, that is in a very dark place. But I often find it hard to get myself to care. I feel so terrible for that. It makes me feel as though I failed somewhere along the lines. I guess you could say I care too much and too little at the same time? It’s tiring.
I am very scared to let people in and let myself be vulnerable. Too many times already have I gotten my feelings played off as a joke or invalidated. Though maybe I’m to blame for that. I tend to cope through joking, so it might as well be my fault that I’m not being taken seriously. Although it really does hurt when I try to hold a serious conversation. I told someone once that I feel very suicidal, because I thought they’d understand. It was a hard thing for me to do and I felt proud for taking that step. But I was proven wrong, when I got a joking response. You can always joke with me to some extent, as long as you take me and my feelings seriously.
It’s the same everywhere I go. I try to actually let myself be vulnerable and get my feelings treated as a joke or as something that’s not relevant enough to be cared for.
I’ve been told to cut off these people but I guess I still care too much to do that.
It hurts being taken for granted and then being tossed aside when I need some company.
Sounds to me as if you still have a heck load of empathy in you. Sometimes being in a helpless situation such as : a friends problem you cant fix or even you drowning in your own… causes us to feel helpless and not enough for us and others. Blaming ourselves and judging ourselves - making us unworthy or not good any more- or not caring anymore is a way to emotionally harm ourselves as punishment’s for situations where we are in fact truly and honestly helpless and there is nothing we can do. Something we can’t control. I had to go down that dark road myself. But all this accusing yourself of not being like you used to or caring enough- it still means you do care very much. And I know you feel as if “you dont” care but that could be simply because there is nothing more than you can do and your empathetic mind is telling you: ah you don’t care. I hope I am getting this out clearly enough.
As for letting people in… ouf- I have a hard time to so I’m not an expert, but what I can say is sometimes people are lessons and sometimes some will be your crutches in life. I learned eventually that the risk is worth it in the end. As for you friend who joked… I’m not sure how the situation was but maybe he/she got stressed and laughed nervously? Or it was their coping mechanism? Or they thought you would be ok since you said you joke a lot? I can’t tell I wasnt there but if it is out of : I don’t care or making fun then : Walk away. Even if you care about them, you have to learn to respect yourself and show yourself a little more empathy. Empathy, good relationships… etc… comes along after.
Hope this helps, if anything you can msg me no problem.
this kinda brings things home for me a bit… I check a lot of things from a person with HSP and HSP’s often carry the trait of emotional empathy vs cognative empathy, it is a double edge sword because while its awesome, it can be very exhausting because I had to learn… ‘Is this what I am truly feeling or feeding off the others energy’
People with emapthy, extreme empathy might need more sleep than others or to have thier own space more because its exhausting …
I would say turning this off as a coping mechanism … well do you and what you think needs to happen for your mental health, there are things to do to keep this healthy
There are things in my life that are just negatives, just posotives, and there are things that are both very posotive and negative at times and visa versa…
since 2018 my goal has been to make the more posotive than negative be even more posotive, and recognize when the negatives can be posotives and hone in on those moments
if that makes sense
https://hsperson.com/ maybe not you but i believe there might be things there to help out
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