I feel so lost and hopeless

I do not know how I can put my feelings and thoughts probably, but right now I am just so emotionally overwhelmed and distraught.

I have been dealing with so much hopelessness regarding my future, and loneliness related to my social life. I feel that I have no one to talk to, and I cannot trust anybody to help me to pull out of this misery of mine.

I am from Singapore, but now I am currently in Australia studying Music and Sound Design in a university. My dream is to become a successful musician and “visionary” (I do not know how to describe my future job), and I really want to not only make metal music, but also representing my country to other parts of the world. I want to combine my music with anime aesthetics, and also want to make movies / tv shows along with my music. I have so many goals I want to achieve. However, I have ADHD, and I find it extremely hard to concentrate and feel calm when I am trying to learn every single skill in my uni. I have very low self-esteem, I do not think that I am capable of making a compelling piece of work that will be recognized by the mass public, whether it is music or anime. I cannot draw, my writing is extremely surpar, and my music skills are mediocre. Every day, I have been slowly losing motivation and procrastinating a lot. I almost see no hope that I will become successful in the future, especially since Singapore does not have a strong musical scene that is recognized by other countries. Additionally, I am so afraid of rejection of other people, especially in Metal and hardcore, where I would be criticized or even deserted by the scene for “selling out” or trying to make a career out of it by attempting to share my music to a relatively larger audience or speaking the wrong ideas that might offend people. I get very anxious about it, and because of this, I have a difficult time trying to create a piece of work as I keep telling myself I am not good enough. Also, I am also afraid that I will not earn a proper living while making music and will be mistreated by the music industry, I do not think I need to elaborate anymore.

Secondly, I have been dealing with so much loneliness and social anxiety. I do not have much friends, and even the friends I have do not feel like the best support group. Being in Australia has been extremely tough, I barely am able to talk to other people, and I just got more isolated than before. I almost feel as if all of the other students do not want me to be around them. I might be a nuisance or a weirdo to them. It is so difficult to find people that I can rely on and feel supported or even be acknowledged, instead I feel everyone are selfish, as they only care about themselves and lack empathy for others

My dog, PJ, has passed away yesterday in the morning. It was so sudden. He had a tumor that was secretly growing, and my family and I did not know. According to my mum, PJ just collapsed and was in severe pain. By the time my family sent him to the vet, it was too late. He is gone. Forever. The worst thing about this is that I cannot see him. I am far away from home in another country. I am in overseas studying, trying to achieve my dreams. It hurts so much. I did not cry, but I never felt this much regret, guilt, grief and loneliness before. While I am in another country tryin to chase my dreams of becoming a successful musician, my dog is dead and I cannot even say goodbye to him in person.

To make matters worse, I posted an Instagram story to express my feelings about this, because I could not handle it. While some of my friends and followers were understanding and supportive for me, another person who I known in army, he was a true fucker, he replied back and said “Where were you? He needed you so badly”. I never felt so furious in my entire life. I instantly gave him the middle finger and told him I was overseas studying, and just blocked him. That did not help though, to prevent myself feeling more lonely and regretful about not being by my dog’s side. I called my friends yesterday hoping to find some solitude, but because they did not have a pet before, they did not know how to help me and what to say or do. I did not feel better after calling them, as again, I feel a lack of connection between me and them, even though I have known them for a long while.

All I can say right now is that while I am feeling very overwhelmed with emotions right now, and I feel extremely regretful for not being by my dog’s side on his deathbed, I will always remember how happy he was when he became part of my family. PJ was a stray dog who had to survive terrible living conditions in factories and was physically abused by people. But my mum’s friend rescued him and asked my mum whether we wanted to take PJ as a pet. We happily obliged, and from then, PJ became a family member.

There were a lot of ups-and-downs when he was with us. But it did not stop us from loving him very much. PJ was a strong boy. He survived death many times. I remembered the time when he was on the brink of death due to a failed kidney. At the time, the doctor told us that he may not survive at all. But PJ managed to push through it, and he survived. Even the doctor was surprised about this.

Although I feel that I failed as an owner, and I could have done more, I am just so happy to have PJ as a pet. No, he was more of a pet, he was a family member. We are so glad to have him. Goodbye PJ, I will miss you very dearly. You survived death many times, now it is time for you to rest.

But overall, because of my dog’s death, my depression has gotten worse, and I really feel I cannot do this anymore. I just want to talk to someone that I feel that they care. I just want to feel like I belong to something.


@brendanang, first I am so sorry for the loss of PJ. Especially while you are so far away from home. It really is hard when a beloved family member, even the 4 legged, furry one, passes so unexpectedly. You really do feel the hole that is ripped inside you from it. They truly are family. The grief is real and it hurts deeply. It sounds like PJ ended up in the best home he could have ever hoped for with you and your family. You rescued him from a horrible life and made him a family member, that is true love. So the hole in your heart is valid and real. Grieve and cry and mourn. It’s understandable. I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this so very far from home without the support of family with you there to actually hug you and cry with you.

As for you studies at the uni - you have big plans and a lot of interests. They do sound as though they tie together and would be the career of a lifetime once you learn all of the skills. No one achieves greatness without dreaming big. You chose to go far from home to study. That took much courage and strength. And yeah, it’s scary, it can feel isolating, intimidating and lonely. It feels hard to build that new circle of friends and support around you when you are living in a different country and culture. Then there is the being alone without family that has always been there. So many changes as you are trying to learn so many new things. I see you not just thinking about doing this but actually doing it as brave, courageous, and a big deal. You really want this big dream you have.

Here’s the secret I’ve learned: Start with one area of study at a time and become proficient at that first. Pick the one you are most interested in or best at. The one you are likely to be most successful with and concentrate on that first. That first success will build your confidence. Don’t count yourself out with negative self talk. You said that you are trying to learn every single skill at uni. Even without ADHD that is not healthy. You will burn yourself out. You are able to learn, to do, to be successful. Is it possible the losing motivation and procrastinating is from trying to do too much at once? It’s just my thoughts and experience. Focus on your strengths and build there first. It doesn’t mean drop all the other areas completely, but really focus on one area and give it your best.

If you have a counseling service at the uni, consider talking to someone there. They may be able to help you through the anxiety and isolation that is making this more difficult. What if you talk to someone at the university about which classes will work best to get you to your goal? You shouldn’t walk this alone my friend. I’m glad you found Heart Support and I’m glad you trust us enough to talk to honestly about all that is on your heart. Know that you matter, your heart matters, your dreams matter. Let us know how you are doing.


Welcome to heart support, gosh thank you for sharing and taking the time to be so open with us.
I want to address PJ first because there is something so real and deep when it comes to the connection we have with our fur friends.
My cat Lila passed away last year of a tumour I didn’t catch. For a long time I felt so guilty be wise there were so many reasons looking back that I should have caught on sooner. All the what if scenarios played in my mind. I wasn’t by her side when she died. That made me so incredibly heart broken.

So you carry this grief of losing a friend, but also this guilt of all the what ifs. We can never predict what is going to happen or who we lose in life, but if we stop that from living life, then it’s going to be a very very sad existence. All the opportunities we miss. You might have been overseas when PJ passed away, but that doesn’t make the connection and love you had with him any less real.
Lila passing was my last straw. I had a one of grief counselling session over the phone with the grief line which I will link Here if you feel like you could benefit from it.
It seriously made such a difference and they sent me resources as well. It was just nice being heard and understood. And yes it does include grief of losing a pet.

As far as uni goes, what I can say is that it is such an incredibly brave thing to move so far away to pursue something you are passionate about!
I think somewhere along the lines everything everyone does will be rejected by some people no matter how good it is.
There is always time to keep practicing and growing your skills.
It’s totally understandable to feel so lonely, does your uni do any social nights? Or is there one or two people you talk to at uni that maybe you can say something like “hey, I know I’m a little shy, but I was wondering if we could hang out sometime?”
Or even invite them to get lunch on a break.
I have a feeling your unique ideas will be so interesting and there will be so many people who will enjoy it!


Hey there, thank you for helping me, really means a lot. I have known Heart Support for a while, because I am a fan of August Burns Red. I am slightly better now. I talked to my therapist yesterday and we went through grief recovery together, and I felt that I was able to say a proper goodbye to PJ, even if he was not physically with me.

I am wondering if I can ask for advices on how to handle my skills in uni. Because not only am I studying music production and sound design, but I also chose some electives where I am and will be learning other skills, such as narrative / fictional writing, screen writing, programming / coding and so on. Yes, I am being hard on myself regarding my skills and capabilities, but I think it is also because I am learning more than one skill in one semester, and all of them are very new foreign territories for me. Additionally, my ADHD is not helping as well, because I have difficulties trying to keep up with the lessons without feeling lost and overwhelmed.

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Hey there, thank you for helping me, really means a lot. I am very sorry for your loss regarding Lila. It must have been very hard losing her. Hope you are able to pull through this very heavy grief of yours.

I talked to my therapist yesterday and I feel so much better now. I was able to say goodbye to PJ, even though he was not there physically.

About the uni social nights, I am honestly very unsure of how I can approach people and manage to have a long engaging talk. Because I have very bad social anxiety, and I am always afraid of screwing up the conversations, and that others will think that I am a weirdo, uninteresting, nuisance, pervert and other negative self-images. Also, I honestly have difficulties trusting other people, including my friends, because I have past traumas of losing friends, whether it was because they hurt / betray me or it was my fault for breaking the friendships.


In terms of Lila, I was also able to say my goodbyes and a new fur friend helped me. My other cat searched for Lila everywhere when she didn’t come home. That almost broke my heart more than losing her myself! But talking to someone did help.

I can totally understand those feelings about people thinking you are a pest etc. I know those feelings and still hold them. I think the thing that helped was finding people who are genuine and kind because they are out there. It still is a continuous learning lesson. Embracing the love they give and trying not to question it.