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I feel so lost, lonely, and lacking


#1

Hi y’all. I am new to heartsupport and I am so happy I found this forum. My heart aches and my wounds sting and I am trying so hard to keep going. I am losing hope and I worry about the future, in fact I think I worry about the future too much. I am trying so hard to make it through the days with my head held high. I am so angry and hurt. Life isn’t suppose to be this hard. My heart hurts so much and I can’t live my life because the hurt is so much. I going to therapy and taking medication but it’s not enough. People are always telling me that I have to start doing something but how do I do that when I always anxious and depressed.

I feel so lonely. I feel like I am in this all by myself. I don’t trust anyone and I have no friends. So I am hoping that I can learn to be honest and open with all of y’all help.

Thank you for reading

R


#2

Hi popoloco, thanks for sharing.

Having been alone for most of my life, I know how hard it is to watch everyone going out while you’re staying at home on Saturday night, and how hard it is to actually have no one to share you’re feelings with. However, after a little bit of company, I’ve ended up being alone again. That could have been the worst thing (and it was) but I decided not to let depression take over again. Being alone made me realise a lot of things, and I concentrate on myself a lot better, but I also realised that God never lets us face problems we can’t handle. You are strong enough to make it. I don’t know how old you are, but don’t lose hope. Your time will come. And it will be a great time.
Start by doing what you love, start by trying new things, and don’t be afraid of going out alone. Therapy and medicines can help, but they’ll never be as good as you. It’s only you who can fix this, and you have all the strengths to do that. You are loved, and there’s a lot of people out there just waiting for you. You’ll find your place, believe me. Keep going.

Have a great day,
pioggia ✘


#3

HEY POPO

Your post really resonates with me in a ton of ways. I have spent a lot of my life feeling this exact way - specifically in regards to the fear of the future. Thank you for coming here and just talking about it.

Myself and chat used your post for our Topic of The Stream

I hope that we help you to feel less alone. You have a friend in us.


#4

R,

Man, what a hairball…to feel like you’ve got this crazy pressure of the future, no support in the present, no idea how to get to where you “need” to be in order to be enough / accepted / deemed worthy / make yourself and others proud…it’s like, it feels every move you make is either moving you closer to or further from what you most desire, and when every step has the power to make or break your future and therefore your worth, it’s SO PARALYZING!! Especially when it will all fall on your shoulders in the end. It’s up to you! And if you screw it up, it’s up to you to fix it or deal with it, and right now, it feels like the only way you can deal with that kind of pressure is to avoid it. At least NOT moving isn’t moving you AWAY from that future you need to get to – or so it feels…but the longer you stay in place, the harder it feels to make a decision or to move at all, and so in that sense, your future is still moving forward, and you’re stuck here, so it feels like you’re getting further from it now too, and you have no idea what to do to catch up, to make the right decision, to head in the right direction – it feels like there’s so much…TOO much…and you don’t really know what to do.

I am proud of you for taking THIS step – for opening up, for sharing what’s on your heart, for not pretending that everything’s okay, because it’s not, and that’s okay too. You’re doing something about it – you’re looking for help, for support, so that you don’t have to carry it by yourself.

I think what might be really helpful for you is to understand WHY you’re afraid of your future…
What does failure mean to you? If you make the wrong choice, what happens? What will it mean about you?
Whatever word feels most painful when you answer that question, when is the first time you remember feeling that way or hearing someone tell you those words?
If you can dig back in your story to some of the earlier painful memories you have, you can start to see that what your fear is TODAY resembles closely a lot of the painful memories from your past. If you can NAME those things, identify them, you can start to understand yourself better…because instead of just being afraid of “the future” you’re afraid of something much more tangible…

For me, I was afraid of the future because I was afraid that if I made the wrong decision, I was going to be a failure.
Being a failure, the first time I remember feeling like a failure was on the playground in my elementary school when y dad’s words rung through my head and sunk into my heart: “You’re never going to be the best.” To me, as a four year old, what that meant was that I was NEVER going to make my dad proud, and it meant that consequently, I was ALWAYS going to fail. Failing was proof that my dad was right and that I am unworthy of love.
So when I approach my future, it’s not that I’m actually afraid of the future, it’s that I’m afraid of being a failure and proving that I’m unworthy to be loved.
That’s a much different beast to tackle. KNOWING that I’m afraid of being loved, I can actually face the situations I’m afraid of and talk it through with other people…when I identify the lie, I can invite others to help me see the truth (note: I’m actually not strong enough most of the time to handle these lies on my own, so I have to reach out to others, similar to what you’re doing here). And when I see the truth and believe the truth, I’m able to face my future and make the progress I wished I could.

So my challenge to you, R, is dig into your story. Where’s this fear coming from? Take time to understand yourself and your story. What is the lie that you believe about yourself? When you identify that, you can invite others in to help you see the truth and face your future in spite of your fear!

-Nate