I feel so numb, useless

I been suffering from anxiety since I was 18, I am 41 now. over the last 15 years or so, its gotten much worse. the panic attacks would come and go. one day I was at a home depot and had a panic attack in the middle of the store, it got so bad that I blacked out and fell to the floor. I felt better once I got outside, but I gained a fear of going into any store fearing it would happen again. a few months later I had a panic attack while driving and crashed into a pole. after that I went to see a dr, after that he gave me celexa. after takeing that for a bit I had a 15hr non stop panic attack. it was the worse day of my life. evern since then I have been afraid to go anywhere or do anything. everything that I loved to do has been lost. I have been trying for years to get back my life and nothing I seem to do helps. I started going to therapy last year and was told I suffer from anxiety, ptsd, agoraphobia. I don’t think it was helping very much and it started to give me depression. now I feel my wife is starting to hate me cause I never wanna do anything, no vacations or anything far from my home. home is my safe place. I don’t have many friends and I know that hurts me a lot. I feel everything in life is just falling apart, I am starting to become numb to almost everything, like I just don’t care anymore and just want to give up on everything. sometimes I feel it would be better if I was not here anymore, but I know things can get better and there is so much more to do in this life, but these fears and raw emotions stop it from happening. thanks for listening

Hey man.

I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through but i’ve dealt with panic attacks before, and I know theyre not fun.

What I can say is, don’t give up. I would encourage you to be as honest as you can be about how you feel to not only your wife but your therapist as well. Talk to the friends you do have about how you feel sometimes. I had a panic attack in front of one of my friends before and he was there to calm me down and get my mind off of it. The people in your life are there to help you. I know its scary and you think your wife might be sick of you… But dude, shes your wife. Shes there for a reason, and while im sure she struggles to see you dealing with what youre dealing with, SHE LOVES THE HELL OUT OF YOU MAN! If she didnt she wouldnt be there ya know?

And dude, I know its hard to get up and face life, but sometimes thats the BEST thing you can do. As scary as it may seem, going out and living your life is SOO important. These panic attacks dont own you man, YOU OWN THEM. So get out of the house and kick this things ass. Yes, it is scary. And yes, there is always the possibility something could go wrong. But try to think of the things that could go right!!!

I hope this helps a little bit man. We love you here at heartsupport, so anytime you need to rant or something, you are welcome to. Stay strong man!!!

thank you for that. I do try but those thoughts just don’t leave, the what if’s.
I hurt so bad inside
I wish you could see the thru my eyes
it stays the same
I just wanna laugh again

korn-dirty

Honestly, I don’t think the what ifs ever leave. Thats something everybody deals with man. Youre not alone.

But its whether you listen to those what ifs or not, that makes the difference.

I just recently finished almost 2 years of chemotherapy to treat cancer. And im constantly asking myself, ‘what if the cancer comes back?’ And those thoughts trigger me to do really stupid things to cope.

But what if it doesnt come back? And what if you dont have a panic attack? Then what? Ill tell you what…

Joy. Making memories. Meeting people. Seeing the world. We have to learn to prove those voices in our head wrong.

And the truth is, if something does happen, you’re still alive arent you? Theres always another chance to live life man. You run out of chances if you end it tho. So please man, dont end it.

I know its hard and its scary, but all it takes is a leap of faith. You can face this.

Hey @dirtyissues

I think it’s easy to forget that yes anxiety is terrible because it gives you all of these fears and doubts, but sometimes what is worse is all the things it steals. It steals peace of mind and it steals vacations and evenings out with loved ones to name just a few. I am really proud of you for going to therapy and trying to get help. And tbh maybe you need a different therapist or you need to seek help from a different doctor or counselor who is familiar with working with people who suffer panic attacks. Because like you said things can get better. And maybe you can sit down with your wife (if you haven’t already) and just be honest and open how you feel and maybe she can help you with some of the burden in your heart you’ve been carrying. Maybe she can help you? And if not well we will be here to help you.

  • Cassie

I’m leaving work, so as soon as I get home I’ll send a longer response, but please know you’re being thought of and prayed for… We’ve got you, for sure!!!

Tyler J!!