For the past three weeks or so I’ve felt like I’m stuck in my ways and in life. I’ve had suicidal tendencies and self harm issues since I was 14-15 (19 now) both of which have come back full force. I’m also diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. I’ve attempted through overdose but obviously failed. Never been admitted to a hospital for it and my parents don’t know. I’ve had a deathwish for the last two months and almost got t-boned on my side from a chevy tahoe going 70 through a red light…I wish everyday that it killed me. The only thing I can think about when I see a steep dropoff on the side of the road or the end of a concrete barrier is I want to just crash into it. When I’m driving without my siblings, I always wish a big truck would swerve a little too far into my lane and meet me in a head on collision. Every time I see a bottle of cough syrup I think about mixing it with a bunch of different pills and soda, seeing if I make it through the night. I’ve been killing my heart for months every day with extreme amounts of caffeine hoping that I’ll eventually die of heart attack.I can’t stop any of this even though I recently had my meds adjusted. I’m actively planning my suicide and I don’t know who to tell without sounding like a brat or sharing too much information with coworkers. I’ve signed up for therapy with a counselor provided through work but therapy has never really worked for me. Please help, how do I stop these visions and urges???
From: Ash (Discord)
I am so sorry my friend that this is going on for you it is very hard when we struggle with any type of suicidal tendencies of any kind and I am proud of you for reaching out for the help. I am proud of you for take the action of telling us here what is going on.
From: Ash (Discord)
Sorry I did not mean to send that reply yet haha. But I wanted to offer some help in ways that might not be something you have thought about. So you said therapy hasnt helped much for you. In the past so perhaps talk to the therapist about ways they believe they can help. I know it might seem silly but sometimes it takes a new method of how to work the issues or work what is going on. Second have you tried ways of distractions or comforts in that moment. I personally have huge issues myself and one thing I do is I will find a specific action or item that helps me calm down. One of mine is where I touch my fingers too my thumb and than breath each time through. I also will get something like a squishy toy or stim toy and play with that. Music is another super helpful thing. I am truly sorry you are struggling through this but just know we are here to support you.
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