Back to heartsupport

I feel trapped, and I want to give up

All the abuse, loss of 22 loved ones, physical and mental health illnesses, bullying, and now being stuck in a job so I don’t lose my apartment I have with my husband though I have missed a lot due to my health and need to either work from home or of the like, and so much more going on…I have suicidal thoughts often (I don’t have a plan). I feel numb and depressed, though the one thing I can feel and give and act upon is love. But I just feel trapped and like I wanna scream at the top of my lungs and run away. I don’t know what to do.

1 Like

@Sosh First off I am so sorry you have had to deal with abuse and loss of so many in your life. It is so hard when others we care about are end up in a loss. I want you to know that those are not on you. I also want to say that you are no less because of this. It is so hard when you have health issues to find work and to keep it. I have a lot of health issues myself because of them they keep me from having the ability to find work. I want to ask have you ever considered trying to get resources that would help with rent and such. I know where I live they have ways to help. I dont know what your health issues are but if they are like mine sometimes it is wise to look into those resources so that your health can come first. I also want to say that you may want to consider finding resources that allow you too find support for mental health. Consider finding a therapist or others. I know that may not be possible but sometimes talking about what we are feeling really helps me. I know that numb and depressed state is so hard. Do you happen to have anything you enjoy like making things or drawing or reading. Find something that makes you feel like you are being productive.

Hold fast,
Ash

1 Like

hi friend,
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this. this is a lot to handle and you have every right to feel overwhelmed and lost. thank you for being so open with the community and sharing this!
all of these things that you have dealt with/are dealing with do not define who you are. who you are is an amazing, strong, capable person. you have been through so much, and those things have made you so strong! I’m sorry you feel numb and depressed and you feel trapped. I feel that way also. but please know that you aren’t alone. you will get through this. we all believe in you. we believe that you are worthy of love and healing because it’s true!
if you wanna scream, scream. if you wanna cry, let it out. if you ever feel the need to harm yourself or run away, please come back here so we can remind you of how valuable you are and how much we love you. I know running away can be tempting and feel like it’ll solve things, but friend, we will miss you. we care for you so deeply. we believe in you and we are here to comfort and listen whenever you need the reminder that this will pass: )
stay strong

1 Like

First of all, thank you for taking your time out and writing out a nice response like this.The laws in my State are a bit strict, and also I get judged because I am in my mid twenties (considered very young) even though I have documented information on my medical conditions. Some of them are excruciatingly painful, and I deal with the pain on a daily basis. Disability is not enough to help pay the rent even though my husband works full time. So if I stopped making exactly what I am making now or less, we would lose our apartment, which is only a 1 bedroom (its very, very expensive where I am). I currently have a therapist, but since my insurance doesn’t help with mental health, I have to see her every two to three weeks because of my constant financial struggle. When what I really need is to see her every week. It hurts my heart that I can’t even take the step to get better help just because of my age and my financial struggles. Also, yes I love reading, drawing, singing, and video games as well as nature. Only thing is I have been feeling so numb that those things only distract me, they don’t seem to cause joy for me anymore, which worries me greatly.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes I truly hope this will pass. I have been number for so many years and it feels terrible. I don’t even find joy in the things I used to be immensely passionate about anymore. And that scares me so much.

I so the same 22 year break up heart broken/ I slit my wrists on Saturday cos the mods didn’t like it - so alone then they do that it iced the cake … stay strong pls don’t do what I did please I’ve hurt myself so badly I need surgery soon not major but one vein is bleeding slowly all the time doing all the consultant said I’m a GP myself so I’m no fool … why take I post down that I had replies to that helped little thing when your this low hurt . If the mods don’t believe me I won’t post for my friends here to see they should . Empathy compassion kidness I needed not that . Horrid c

1 Like

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I just feel so stuck.

1 Like

:heart: you have every right to feel scared. it’s okay to feel scared. just remember to breathe and know that YOU are so valuable. we love you so much and we want you here! you are an amazing person who deserves to win this battle: ) and you will, I promise you.

1 Like

If you want to scream and shout, JUST DO IT! It’s soooo refreshing to scream out loud everything what pisses me off. It does not take the problems away, but it helps me to release all the anger and pain.

I wish you have a great day. You are beautiful. :heart:

2 Likes

Thank you, I want to. I might have to go in my car to do that though since I am usually surrounded by people that might get mad.

Thank you again, it means alot.

Or just go somewhere outside!

1 Like

Love of 23 years dying so lost / so much pain no family to turn to 1 good friend I’m so empty I not doing very well love to all

Luce, I am so very sorry to hear that. You can vent if you need to, I completely understand that nobody can tell you how you’re supposed to feel, or for how long to feel it, but just know I and everyone else is here for you to listen and provide support.