Hello Guys, it has been a while since I have logged in, I hope you guys are having a great new year.
I’m not sure what is weather this is the third-lockdown in the UK, but I am a 20 year old, who is gay and It was hard enough trying to come to terms and finding myself, when I knew that I was 14 years old that I was curious and it has been a 5 years process trying to find myself with years of hiding it or trying to change myself feeling like it was wrong or it wasn’t me. and depending on the person I have been slowly coming out and accepting myself for who I am.
But the dating scene is really hard, because I can see my closest friend with his boyfriend and while i’m not a jealous or spiteful person, i do feel like i am missing out seeing how cute they are together and how close they are. where as I want something like that and i have been trying very hard to meet someone in a pandemic world. and it either goes nice at first and i meet someone and we start talking and when they seem to turn from a nice boy, i’m getting to know to rude and arrogant with me or simply get messages like “not for me”, “not interested” and when I hate my size and the way I look, it really hurts when just wanting to meet a nice boy to spend some time together with.
I’m not really sure how i feel about this or if emotions are just hitting the fan with not being able to go to work, go see friends or live life like normal and I think this may be causing me to be hurt more, but I am starting to feel depressed from this and had a few nights crying because i’ve felt that worthless or unattractive that in 20 years i’ve never had any sort of relationship. Thank you for reading this, i felt like i had to just type and empty my head abit.