Back story:
back in early 2019 i had a feeling once i graduated highschool went to college i knew i was going to get cheated on due to the amount of red flags. i saw it coming . turns out october 31 2019 ( i believe ) is when it happened and me and him broke up november 1st , 1 day later.
Present day.
september 30th i started to see this guy and hes been my everything … we’ve talked done fun things in a call ( video games.) we have been together 1 month already and hes made me truly happy . Well tonight he had someone over and i didnt realize it was a female . It made me feel so uneasy even tho i know he wasnt going to do anything . But with how it just put me in a weird emotional spot i just want to listen to sad music rightnow . We calmly tried talking about it maybe 2 -5 words come out and such later on he asked if i was ok . i said i was “fine”. I am planning on sending him a message that im not “fine” and apppologize . its just i dont want to be that girlfriend that is very over protective. or act like everything is “fine.”
He knows to have that conversation with me when he knows i feel the way i feel .
I have no issue with him having girls as friends.
How do i get rid of the feeling of something may happen?
i just want everything to go back to where i wasnt really feeling sad.
Hi Ashley,
thank you a lot for sharing this.
when it comes to relationship, feelings in that way it is in my opinion something really difficult.
what i learned through my life, if you have a feeling towards your partner, even tough it is a new
relationship, you always should speak openly and honest about everything.
you can’t really know someone completely after that time but to share your feelings, your “worries” or
experience could help. it helps you in the way that you have spoken it out, and him in the way how you
manage situations or activities. how you feel about it.
if he truly loves you, if a partner want to be with you, he will completely understand your feeling and the
way you have communicated.
learning to deal with your feelings, a therapy or self help group might help a lot. build up trust in your partner,
trust him with your feelings, trust him with opening up, letting him into your world of feelings. when it
gets hard to concentrate or thinking of anything else, do things that you love and keeps your mind working.
it will get easier from time to time i would say, but i am no expert in relationships
i truly believe that when it comes to the right people, the right ones. you can trust them with everything in
your life.
you are strong my friend and aware of your feelings, be proud of that. we are and i am proud of you my
friend, you are loved and you matter. feel hugged,
lovely Greetings
How you are feeling is understandable. As much as you want to trust him, you haven’t known him long enough to be really sure about his character. You’ve also had a bad experience with someone else, which provides even more reason to worry.
It really doesn’t work to say that you are “fine,” when you are feeling ill at ease inside. The safest and most honest thing you can do, is be honest with him. You can just tell him that it made you feel a bit uncomfortable, but you will work on being okay with it.
Something might happen. That’s the reality of it. Having a relationship involves risk. It is sad that we can’t know that a relationship is going to last long term. The thing of it is, how do you make the best of how things are today? Think of the relationship as an ongoing thing, but it occurs moment by moment, and in this moment, with the two of you together, the focus needs to be on what is happening here and now, rather than on what might happen in the future.
it’s understandable from the past wounds you’ve gained over the years that you are wary over similar situations returning. your current partner seems really understanding and kind to you which is what you deserve! someone who cares for you as much as you care for them. but it’s hard when any hint of jealousy or uncertainty comes into play, because you’ve had it happen before. and it’s especially hard to voice your concern. however, open communication with any partner will help sustain a healthy relationship so i hope you can find the right time to have that conversation or at least share your old wounds from your ex from early 2019 to gain some understanding on the situation. i hope he can bring you the clarity you need to feel secure and safe again, my friend.
Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, Can I start by saying that I am really proud of you for recognising that you had these uneasy thoughts and are trying to deal with them, I myself have the same issues due to being cheated on a couple of times in the past and its very hard to not automatically assume the worst case scenario. I would encourage you to stay open and talk to your guy, stay honest with him and hope that he stays honest and kind with you, that way with luck and love you will continue to have a long and happy relationship. I mean it im proud of you. Much Love Lisa. x
hey, I hope you’re doing okay, have you had time to be able to sit and talk with your boyfriend about how you’re feeling? Maybe having that open and honest conversation will help guide you both in a good direction. It sounds like you’re trying very hard to keep yourself grounded, so maybe you don’t have to do that alone.
Hi Friend, A lot of times, people who have had a bad relationship bring those memories into new ones. It’s hard not to have that hurt in the back of your head. I think that being honest with him about how you’re feeling is pretty important if you’re going to have a healthy relationship. If you trust each other, then you should feel safe to talk about issues that come up. Relationships are hard! ~Mystrose
I am happy to hear that you’ve found someone that caught your fancy!
What stood out to me that most from your post is that you recognize your reaction partially stems from your own insecurities, and not from a place of actual dis-trust. That realization is actually a huge step in being able to communicate how you feel to your partner. Huge.
It seems like you know what the best course of action is. Take time to organize your thoughts, and communicate how you feel. If you are comfortable sharing it, I’d encourage you to share with them some or all of what you shared with us. Start the relationship on a basis of trust, and build from that foundation. Relationships are complicated and difficult… so try to build the best foundation you can.
Hi, I think it’s really great that you mentioned the 2019 incident. I’m sorry that you went through that, and I can see how that can leave some lingering fears and doubts that get activated by certain situations. It’s been a month, and you sound like you’re both having fun with each other, which is really lovely to read!
It sounds like this can be a really opportunity for you both to have a heart to heart. And maybe setup some boundaries for each other, and explore what you both need from this relationship, if you’re exclusive, what’s appropriate behaviour with others, etc. This can be modified at the relationship grows and mature. I’m glad you shared this, and I do hope that things get stronger with you as well. It’s good for you to look at your emotions, to respect them, but also to express them with your partner.
Hey all_around_ashley I’m so sorry that that happened to you in your past and that it’s made you feel insecure about your relationship. It is also wonderful that you recognise what you are feeling and that you do not want to feel that way or stop him from spending time with his friends.
I definitely think that you should tell him everything you told us. What happened to you in the past and how you are feeling and that you don’t want to feel that way so that you can find ways to help you feel more secure in your relationship when he spends time with his female friends. You said he knows to ask you and how you feel so it sounds like you feel comfortable talking to him about these things.
Another thing you may suggest doing is asking if his friends like games. It sounds like maybe this is an online relationship? If so you could try to organise a digital game night where you bring a couple of your friends and he brings a couple of his and you all play some games together. Like jackbox, codenames.game (online codenames), skribbl.io (pictionary like game), or just google some games that groups can play online. Get to know his friends and let him get to know yours. It may make you feel better about things. Or even if you cannot organise a big game night even just you, him, and one or two of his/your friends. It’s just an option to potentially help you get to know the friends and maybe you’ll become friends with them as well.
I hope that you are able to be fully open with him and you two work through this. Good luck
I’m so sorry that that happened to you in your past and that it’s made you feel insecure about your relationship. It is also wonderful that you recognise what you are feeling and that you do not want to feel that way or stop him from spending time with his friends.