I’m excited and a little nervous. Tomorrow I have an intake session with a therapist. I finally found a counseling center that can offer me late appointments (I work 8-5 Mon-Fri so it was hard to find any place to go that would be open after work.), and even better yet, it’s covered by my insurance.
To be honest I was too scared to get a hold of them for a few days, but I have had crying spells for the past 3 days which is pretty unusual for me, and I also haven’t slept well for the past week so I finally just went for it and so far things have gone smoothly.
I’m thankful that I found this place to keep me going until I finally got this figured out. Everyone here inspires me with their strength. I hope I can return the favor and help as many people as I can here.
Congratulations, Sapphire! I’ve read your other posts, and it sounds like you’ve got a lot going on personally.
Reaching out and talking to a therapist is a huge turning point in personal development. I know how scary it can be to take that step. Your bravery is admirable. And so is your persistence! Trying to find a therapist who both feels like a possible “fit” to your personality AND accommodates your schedule when it’s very limited is hard. I applaud you for continuing to make the effort. I hope this will be the beginning of a beautiful healing process for you!
It went about as well as it could have. I didn’t speak to whomever will actually be my therapist, just went in and explained what I was there for, they took my insurance and we went over legal stuff and then he had me do a suicide questionnaire which kinda made it seem like I’m a suicide risk based on my answers but really I’m just a loner and always have been, I haven’t felt suicidal for probably 10 years. I should be contacted by my actual therapist on Monday and will be able to get stuff rolling then.
That’s really good, Sapphire. Indeed, I see the kind of appointment it is. Definitely a first step - and a good one! I’m also glad you don’t have to wait for too long to actually be in touch with your new therapist. Again, wishing you all the best, sincerely. Thank you for the updates!
Any time I do one of those questionnaires, I feel the same way, Sapphire. I think they’re really just meant to give your therapist a starting point though… Some idea of how intense the depression is from your perspective.
When I started seeing my current therapist, the very first session, I had a conversation with her about how I often wish I had never been born, but that I was not suicidal. That not wanting to be here was not the same thing as wanting to die. I explained to her that I had reached a point in my life where I could see and acknowledge when that perspective shifted to “I want to die” and I would reach out for help when it got there (which was precisely why I was talking to her!)… That I’d never actually be a suicide risk again. I might wish I were dead if things were really bad, but I would never again make a plan to die. She heard and understood me and set to work helping me with the emotions and thoughts that were the real problem.
I don’t know if you’ve ever done therapy before, but if not, I’d recommend you just be brutally honest with your therapist. They’ve got the training to deal with the really difficult stuff and to do so without judgment. Oh, and it’s totally reasonable (and probably pretty common) to start with “I’m really nervous!”
Yes, I have had several therapists since I was 18. It’s one of the reasons I’ve made as much progress as I have - before I started therapy the first time, I had no self esteem or confidence. I really didn’t care if I woke up the next day. I felt totally alone. I wasn’t able to hold a job. It was pretty bad. But I’ve learned a lot since then and I’ve put in a ton of work to find my self worth and for the most part I think I’ve done great. I just need to tackle my negative inner voice. I feel like it is the main source of my stress and resurfacing depression, with Covid and a new career serving as catalysts.
As far as the questionnaire went, the parts that kinda sounded bad were when I told them I don’t have any close friends or family (this doesn’t upset me, I’ve just been betrayed a lot and at my age I would rather have no friends than have acquaintances that turn their back on me and my family has been the same way, except my husband) and I recently got into a huge fight with my mom and I’m tired of fighting for a relationship for her if she’s not going to try. But I digress.
I’m not even remotely suicidal, I’m just tired of all the BS, you know? And it’s just easier for me, especially with social phobia, to just not even bother. And I can see how that would probably not be ideal for most people, but I’m not most people. I’ve been alone for most of my life and so it’s something that I’ve gotten used to. I’m perfectly happy (so to speak) being with my husband and (when the world isn’t locked down) every once in a while we would go to our local game store and play tcgs or DnD.
Is that weird?
But yeah, I feel like if I can tackle my constant negative self-critisism, I may finally be over my last big hurdle in my mental health journey. I feel like it will be a life long thing, dealing with anxiety and stuff, but I’ve come to a point where I am one of my biggest stresses with my abrasiveness inner voice and that just doesn’t seem right to me.
But anyway, I’m just rambling now. I appreciate that you took the time to comment and share your input.
Heh. Okay, that response tells me everything I need to know… Not only have you been to therapy, you’ve actually done therapy. You’re good at it!
The fact that you know what you need help with is impressive. You’re in good shape, Sapphire.
In my opinion? Nope, not weird in the slightest. I’m very similar. I have a lot of online friendships, but IRL? Not so much. Heck, self-quarantine is only just now starting to bother me, and it’s been months!
Anyway, I’m seeing that this whole thread is more a celebration than any kind of request for support. You already got this! So all I’ll add is YAY! I’m happy for you!
I really appreciate that Squints. I feel like you and I have a lot in common and it makes me feel less weird about my questionnaire answers.
I am so thankful for this place. I feel so welcomed and I feel like my accomplishments are felt and shared by everyone who has taken the time to answer, not only me but everyone here in their time of need. Every one of you gives me hope and strength. You remind me of the goodness that still exists in the world.
. My husband is happy for me. I haven’t told anyone else that I personally know though.
I think they’re really just meant to give your therapist a starting point though… Some idea of how intense the depression is from your perspective.
