I finally left my mom

I left my mom. it was a really hard few days for me. like some of the hardest few days of my life. my mom left to go to phoenix and i went with her. i was going to stay for a while until she got doctors and she was doing better, but before that could happen she got in a huge (alcohol induced) fight with my cousin. cops were called, and since shes my legal guardian i had no choice but to go with her. i find that very stupid, she was clearly dangerous but just because shes my guardian i have to go with her??? fucking stupid. if i was able to stay with my cousin everything would be better. anyways, an uber came and got us and we went to my moms friends house to stay for the night. then i called my dad, he came and got me a couple of hours ago and we leave for california in the morning. its so scary being without her, ive never lived without her before. it was always just a couple of weeks apart or a few days. never like this. she realized shes an alcoholic and shes doing intensive outpatient programs, getting online aa meetings in place, and reading books about alcoholism. i think she’ll come home soon, but its still so scary and i hate it all so much. shes been so abusive for years but it still hurts me so badly to leave her. ill see her soon though. i know i will. and this is for the best. im so scared without her, i love her so much and shes trying and i just feel like nows the worst time to leave, im scared i wont see her again and its all so hard, i feel like id be better off dead than without her in my life, its just so scary not having her here. i just wanted to write this to have it all out.

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I understand how it is, that the change is painful, no matter what. There is no way to make this change be not painful. You just need to keep hope through the pain.

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