I just woke up from a nap. I had another nightmare about me losing my mind and everything thinking there is something wrong with me.
I could not control my anger in my dream. I attacked my mother in the front seat. I woke up screaming and sweating.
A more violent and overdramatic reenactment of what happened today.
There was complications regarding my college classes. They dropped my courses, we don’t know why.
I got ridiculed by my mother and then I just snapped.
I cried and cried and cried. And when she took me to campus so we could fix this. I had a melt down. I screamed and screamed and cried.
And then I had an panic attack in the parking lot cause I didn’t want to go inside.
At first before we left the house I wanted to go hang out in the bush because I thought plants could calm me down but I just cried more. I wanted to hug the plant but the branches were rough and its uncomfortable.
I have lost all my energy. I don’t even feel like talking right now. At all
At first I didn’t want my mother to buy me food when she offered because I didn’t want to be in debt to her anymore. I don’t want to feel responsible for giving back to her. But I was so hungry.
My mind doesn’t want to remember what happened. Its cloudy up there.
I want to play minecraft but I feel guilty for doing anything that will make me feel better.
I don’t want to think about anything in my reality
I don’t want to
Hi there @Amaris,
Firstly, I want to thank you for reaching out here. It sounds like you’ve really had a crazy day and I hope that writing about it and getting some sleep has helped you to feel better.
I’m sorry to hear that there’s so much tension between you and your mom, and that so much pain came out of the issue with your college classes. That sounds so challenging, and I can’t imagine how that must have felt to go through.
With that said, I’m glad that you tried to calm down and spend some time outside. Remember that it’s okay to cry; that’s a natural way to get out your emotions. Similarly, if you need something to hug, a plushie or a pillow could be a great option, if that bark isn’t too comfortable (and you’re never too old for plushies – I’m near your age and still hug one when I’m doing poorly).
Remember that your mom cares about you and that it’s okay to accept help from parents. I understand the feeling of not wanting there to be any kind of debt, but I assure you that your mom feels good helping you in any way she can, and she still is your parent, so society has decided that it’s okay to leave that debt unpaid. If you want to “pay” her back in the future though, I bet she’ll appreciate it if you’re the nice person who always remembers to call her when you get older.
I understand what you mean, and you are not alone there; I’ve gone through that same thought process many times before. However, please remember that you are worthy of happiness, particularly when you are having a hard day. It’s perfectly okay to take a break and invest the time in helping yourself to get to a better mental place. Of course, there is a balancing act to this. Sometimes you do need to prioritize the “real world” stuff to get everything done, but sometimes it truly is worth making the investment in yourself to take a break and have some fun. Additionally, if you take breaks, you’re more likely to be energized when it is time to be productive.
Thank you again for reaching out here. I hope that you’re feeling better after some rest (hopefully with no more nightmares) and am wishing you all the best. You are deserving of happiness and are so strong to push through these hard days. I know that you’ll be able to continue pushing through any challenges in your future.
It’s a parent’s job to take care of their children, whether it’s food, housing, or whatever. By accepting her care, you’re not in her debt. Instead, you’re helping her fulfill her chosen purpose.
I used to hang out in the woods. I found that calming. If you’re having panic attacks, talk to your doctor if you haven’t already. If you already have, make sure they’re aware that you’re still having difficulty with your symptoms.
Taking the time to escape the daily grind is a healthy thing to do. Just don’t spend all your time in the game. Time for rest and recreation should be enjoyed fully, and without guilt.
It’s okay not to from time to time. That’s what rest and recreation is for.
Depression/anxiety can cause that to happen. BTW, are you getting enough sleep? How’s your nutrition?
I know you’re having a rough time. I hope it gets better for you. Wings
I’m so sorry there has been such high tensions between you and your mother. Our dreams often portray what’s weighing heavily on our minds. I just wanted to check in and see how everything is going? Have the courses been resolved? The stress in the moment can often feel so huge, but I hope they were understanding and helpful.
Have you been able to talk to your mother at all about what’s happened? Maybe put in place a guide for when things like this happen, how she can respond and how you can respond?
You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to unwind and relax your mind away from the events that happened. Sometimes that very health so that if we need to address it again it’s from a rested and fresh perspective.
Hope you’re doing well.