What do I have to do for anybody to say that I’m beautiful?
I get it, I’m ugly.
I’m taller than most people, I’m fat, I look like a dude, I’m a mess, my skin is far from being smooth, my arm is covered in scars, and so much more.
I started to kind of like myself…
I started to accept my hight (I’m not even THAT tall). I started to like my never ending red hair and my weirdly colored, undefinable eyes.
But all of that doesn’t matter when you know nobody sees you as beautiful or will ever find you attractive.
I really love my sister, but I hate her for being beautiful.
Everyone tells her non stop how beautiful she is that it doesn’t matter what she wears or how she cuts your hair, she’ll always be told she’s pretty.
It hurts the most when my mom keeps telling her all that stuff and I’m sitting next to them, and no one even sees me.
Or the time my grandma came up to me to tell me how stunning my sister is and how awesome she looks and kept asking me if I think she’s beautiful.
I already have incredibly low self esteem and I hate myself I’m pretty much every way possible. I’ve been working hard on loving myself, and every time I start feeling a bit better about myself, someone comes and knocks it all down.
I’ve accepted that I’ll never lose the weight, and I’m really trying. I’ve accepted that no one will ever love and that I’ll be invisible forever.
I mean, not even my own family sees me or notices when I’m there or not.
I guess that just shows how unnecessary I am and how much of a visual pollution I am.
If I weren’t here, it wouldn’t even make a difference. Just leaving this planet would be the only solution.
I don’t want to live here anymore.
Scratch that, I don’t want to live anymore.
I don’t want to be alive in a world where I’ll never fit in and where I’ll always be not good enough.
I really fucking hate myself. I should just die.