No one fucking listens to anything I have to say, I dug an even deeper hole with self-harm, and now I’m not happy unless there are marks from my fingernails dug into my wrist. I just can’t anymore.
hello there @Scarlette_Elle
We’re here, and we will listen.
Please feel free to share with us, and we will support you as best as we can! What’s going on, friend?
You got my attention, …and I got my ‘listening’ ears on.
It’s so hard and scary dealing with those feelings and feeling the need to harm. I’m so sorry you’ve felt like you can’t share your thoughts and feelings. I assure you they are important and people here are so glad you’ve come to reach out. You’re safe and loved x
My mother always forgets about me, and it’s always just like “Oh, Scarlette will be fine, she always is!”, but I’m not. I don’t like being left alone all the time, and I don’t like being the one who has to babysit and deal with 2 gremlins all the time.
I know what it’s like to feel that know one is listening. My family doesn’t understand what I’m going through. But I’m listening. Tell me what’s going on.
Have you sat down with your mother alone and talked to her about this? Can you try telling her that is it difficult to always babysit the 2 others?
Sometimes parents can be wrapped up in their own world, and get so busy and stressed working to “provide” for their kids that they forget about the mental and emotional needs of their kids.
I am sorry that you are having a rough time with it, and I really hope we can help you in anyway we can. Thank you for sharing with us your thoughts and feelings. And please know this: that you matter, that you’re important, and that you have something wonderful to share with the world
It’s always difficult when other people - especially parents or loved ones - minimize your struggles. Sometimes just a little bit of recognition, even from someone you don’t know, can mean a lot. So allow me to tell you, I KNOW you’re fighting and every day is a struggle. And I am proud of you for all the exhausting effort you put into just maintaining the best you can.
With parents it is especially difficult. In some cases there’s a generational attitude towards admitting needing help. In others there’s just the normal lack of understanding from someone who can’t properly comprehend what it is like to live inside your head. But the third issue, which I think isn’t discussed enough, is that quite often parents minimize struggles because - consciously or unconsciously - they see your problems as a reflection of their performance as a parent. Their brain tells them: “If Scarlette is struggling, it’s because I have failed as a parent. And I don’t want to admit or accept blame for something I don’t understand.” [[even if you’ve never directed blame at them…remember, this is a defensive measure against the blame they want to lay on themselves]] “So I’ll just keep saying everything is fine, and eventually it will be.”
Sorry that your dealing these issues.
Have you brought this to your to your mom’s attention?
If you haven’t, ask her if you two can have a private conversation, and that it has to do with something that’s very important to you. Maybe you can share those feelings with her? Let me know how it goes, ok?
Excellent post @diplomacyworld what an amazing first post! So glad to have you here !
I agree with these three points so much!
- generational attitude and they need to learn that kids need vocalized reassurance
- not understanding how bad their kid is hurting or why
- admitting kid is not doing okay means the parent has failed
Thru out my son’s life, he has been encouraged to talk about how he feels with me. From a very early age he would tell me stuff that he was thinking about or feeling (at 30yrs old he still does). I always stopped what I was doing, even in my darkest times and listened to him. If he came to me because he broke a toy, I would show concern about the toy too and we would fix it together. Sometimes parents don’t see the little problems that children have from the child’s perspective and just don’t understand how important their problem is to them. Throwing that toy to the side to fix later cuz your busy minimizes their emotions and sends a pretty bad message that they don’t matter. I knew this and did my best to be mindful it.
I’m very proud of my son. I’ve seen him struggle and I was right by his side the whole time ready to jump in, but it’s his own life and he makes his own choices. I can only stand on the sideline and pray that the lessons and examples I showed him made a difference. I think they have because he has his life together despite how messed up I am.
It’s very sad that a lot of parents don’t understand.
Exactly this! It isn’t magic, it isn’t even “natural”. It take presence of mind to remind yourself to see things that a small child sees it and have understanding.
@Scarlette_Elle I hope these stories have given you some insight into what could be going on in your mom’s head. And encourage you to reach out to her and clearly state what you need. “mom, I have been trying but things are really rough for me, right now. I know you do a lot for me, and I’m grateful for that, and I know you love me, So i want to let you know what’s going on with me, because I need some help to cope. Maybe you have some advice that could help me?”
Parents would like to respond with solutions, so this may help your mother be able to process it easier.
I tried and she cussed me out for an hour. I’m not even exaggerating.
I understand what you are feeling friend, just know that we are all here for you, fell free to talk with all of us if needed.
We all almost feel the same way or are going through the same emotions but with different reactions.
I can relate to the fact that you only feel better with these scars and tbh I don’t have really deal with it yet. You should try the butterfly challenge to stop SH, even if (I know) it feels better to do it. I know that you feel like no one notices or even care, but your body do not deserve this.
You can feel open and safe here, just tell us what you are feeling and we’ll listen and be there to support you.
Stay safe friend, your existence matters
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