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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Jinjer - Pisces
i grew up with a physically, mentally, and emotionaly abuseive father that regularly told me that I in essence wasn’t enough for or at anything. And that belief of not being good enough or worth anything. when I was 15 I was diagnosed with bi-polar depression, so I’m know not only am I not good enough, but I’m also broken. I never really dated that much because who would want me. it wasn’t untill I was 39 that i sought help. Got set up with a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I actually kind of like myself now. However, keeping myself in that box for so long, I have missed out on so much life, so many experiances, that in many ways i’m like a babe in the woods because I don’t know a lot of things that most people learned or experianced in their teens, 20’s, and so on. So I’m here, I kind of like myself, but I feel like an alien in a world that isn’t mine. There’s more, but that’s the short and sweet of my story. Oh, I forgot, it also turns out that I have ADHD, and Anxiety disorder with the attached OCD. And I have multiple sclerosis. WTF?
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You are not broken the abuse broke you over time. Children at your current time as a teenager were building an identity. I want to personally say that MS is personal struggle that should not hinder you for being you. Now, I see that you have a support group to help your through the phases of trauma you experienced. And I want to say directly that is an achievement in itself and also furthermore proves that you are not broken as you think you are. We saw that you replied to one of the songs on YouTube. Care to describe what you were seeing in the song?
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Thank you for reaching out to HeartSupport - I was really touched by your post and am so proud of you for battling through all the abuse from your father, medical diagnoses, and coming through to a point where you kind of like yourself now! It sounds like you are almost to the Beartooth song “I think I LOVE myself!” I was just looking at the Jinjer song lyrics that you posted to and I think they are so fitting:
Step forward and meet a new sunrise
A coward is shivering inside
Today I’ll be a friend of mine
Who swallows suffering with smile
Now, I’m not saying you are a coward by any means - I think you are a warrior, and one who has learned to embrace your challenges, past, and medical difficulties and come through that refining fire even stronger. Proud of you for seeking professional help and getting yourself to where you are at today. I think we all feel like aliens in this world some time - you are not alone! Your story reminds me of two other songs I really like: I Previal “Scars” and Startset “Trials”. Check them out and let them guide you to the next adventure! One day soon you will be exactly who you want to be!
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Hey friend!
I’ve been down your road before. Only difference it was my extended family that was neglectful and I missed out on so much in my teens and 20s. Ironically enough, I started getting help with my mental health issues also at 39 years old, and i’m 43 now. I’ve experiences a ton more things now than I ever had before then, and I learned that age doesn’t define what we can or cannot experience. When I was younger I LOVED going to concerts, and I still do, but now I get a different perspective and can enjoy them a lot more. Same with just doing things in life. We should be able to enjoy anything we want, within reason.
It’s perfectly fine to feel like an alien in a world that isn’t yours. I feel that way too, cuz the world is constantly evolving, but that’s how we gain life expereince and learn <3
@@HeartSupport First off, Thank you so much for responding. Do to the fact that I didn’t know how long of a comment to write, some things were left out or not fully explained. I’ll try to fill in the blanks. The abuse happened when I was a preteen child. My father passed from cancer when I was 13. In retrospect, I believe my father also had Bi-polar and was physically abused also. but at that time the concept of bi-polar didn’t even exist yet, so there wouldn’t have been any affective treatment for it anyway. Next, I thought I was broken at that time. I’m not broken and I do not believe that I am broken anymore. Really the only part that I’m still working on is the whole learning how to do things that most people learn to do in their teens and twenties. Doesn’t help that I also have ADHD with something they are calling Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria which they believe is tied to ADHD. Just throwing these two out there, but psychologically, they don’t play similar roles to the prior. I also have R&R Multiple Sclerosis and Anxiety Disorder with minor OCD. It’s like a screwed up amusement park in my head, LOL. I’m kidding. As far as what about the song Pisces brought this out in me to share is, to be honest, nothing. Personally I have always felt the song lyrics were very Jungian concerning the shadow self. But I have been watching so many of these videos, I finally decided to share.
@@HeartSupport Thank you so much. I will check that song out. I also dig your name, I’m a huge Gravity Kills fan. I have all of there albums
Thank you. I’m 45, and even though I feel alien at the moment, I know that that will pass. I’ve been seeing a new therapist and things seem to be going well.