I guess I just have to live and follow wherever the road goes

I’m starting to have major anxiety long story short my ex girlfriend I worked together and she broke up with me when she went to go work someplace else. Anyways she came back to where I work and it has been a nightmare . I sadly don’t trust her from all the games she played and even ghosted me so it has been super stressful she has sent me mixed signals from maybe even getting back to together to moving into together to nothing now we are just co workers that look at each other like we are on different planets and I at this point don’t feel I can even trust to even talk to her .
Then recently I hit it off with a girl I met online where we have some mutual friends we started texting and talking and like a winter breeze disappeared I’m like why do I keep getting ghosted I hate that word and I think ghosting is terrible one there hiding something 2 can’t handle conflict and 3 control anyways I’m totally exhausted and my ex wife is a totally different story and I don’t have the energy to even talk about that . Thanks for my rant because I have no one to talk to besides counselors and I’m tired of paying them


Hi @Joegrizzly

The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here. Hold Fast friend - we’re with you.

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Hey @Joegrizzly,

It’s been a little while since you’ve posted this, but I wanted to thank you for sharing about your situation at work and with your relationships.

Going through a breakup is already painful and a grief in itself that takes time, but you also have to deal with the fact that you see your ex-wife on a regular bais as well. It feels “easier” when you can put a distance with the person, but it takes a whole different shape when you have to actually see the person, even if you don’t talk to them. It’s a constant reminder of what you’ve been through, and I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to learn to compose with her presence at your workplace. It’s absolutely understandable that, in these circumstances, you feel more affected by your anxiety. You just want to have a break, a bit of relief, which really makes sense.

I’m also very sorry that your last experience with this other girl made you feel like you’re doomed to be constantly ghosted. You are absolutely right: ghosting someone is terrible. As much as it’s a protective mechanism and understandable for the person who decides to remain silent, it’s incredibly hard for the person ghosted to learn to compose with the absence of answers. There’s a big “why?” that remains, so we try to make sense of a situation that doesn’t seem to have any… and the “easiest” anwer is often to blame ourselves and/or believe that it’s a repeated cycle we are stuck in. I felt that when I was ghosted by some friends. I was deeply hurt, cried quite a lot and started to question everything about myelf, as conflits are pretty distressing to me as well.

It makes sense to look after a sense of responsibility only in ourselves, as there is no communication possible anymore with the person who could give some anwsers. But your pain is valid, friend. And even more: it takes two people to make a relationship, not only one. When there is an issue, we all have many different possibilities and ways to react. running away, ghosting someone, is one of these, and is also the result of someone’s decision. A mature and respectful way to handle a potential issue would have been to discuss with you, to let you know and see if it would be possible to work on that with you or not. I’m sorry that’s not what happened. Though I really want to remind you that it’s not all your fault, and you are not doomed to be ghosted over and over. These experiences don’t define your future nor who you are, nor your capacity to learn and grow from what happened.

You are loved and you are enough as you are. Please give yourself some grace and care while you are learning to process those painful experiences. Feeling rejected and going through a breakup can create some deep wounds on our soul. But still as human beings we have the capacity to heal, to stay resilient, and to thrive. I believe in you. :hrtlegolove:

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