I guess I'm feeling numb

Today I have been so mentally and physically drained. I guess I have been this way for the past week. I feel like my body is giving up on me; I think it’s just because I’m a weak person but I’m just so freaking tired all the time.

Today my dad has just been really irritating me. I just can’t do it anymore.

I know people are going to ask “well have you talked to him?” and I’m just going to say some people just don’t change. Or it takes too much out of me to even try.

The numb feeling I have takes me back to bad times. Times where I didn’t have HS or I didn’t have anyone to talk to. It reminds me of all the shit that I’ve had to go through.

I know there is hope and I know things will get better but as a human I just yearn to be ok- to feel ok.

I feel numb and lifeless. I feel lost and alone.

I just want to lie on my floor for hours and cry, or stare at a wall for hours, just like I used too.

I have been overcome with so much anxiety today and I am feeling so not ok.

I yearn to just feel something. The thing is when you just want to feel something nothing that is healthy helps. The only thing I can think of is bad coping mechanisms that I don’t want to get used to because I am really trying to get better.

I am just. So. Freaking. Tired.

Dude I totally get it. You are under a lot of stress right now and your brain is overwhelmed and not producing enough of the chemicals you need to be able to feel alright. Its important to find self care that works for you. I know it won’t feel like the things you do are making a difference but it takes time.

Self care that works for me is:
taking hot baths (bubble baths, bath bombs, Epsom salts - important for relaxing your muscles),

drinking tea (the hot drinks are soothing mentally, you don’t want a lot of sugar or caffeine though. Hot milk or hot chocolate work in moderatation),

eating dark chocolate (yes specifically dark because the high cocoa content is good for you and helps release endorphins),

eating good food/dessert (this is something you have to do right to see a benefit, eat one really good food or baked good that makes you feel happy just eating it. It is actually releasing endorphins when you do this but it’s a moderation thing and it can be different every time),

Cuddling random animals. (Strangers dogs, rescue animals at no kill shelters, friends animals, the fluffier the better),

Watching super cute and happy or feel good movies - or your favorite movie/TV show (if you cry, even better. A good cry is great for your mental health - I can recommend good movies. The point is even if you can’t move - you can watch this and it may start improving your mood)

Watching cute animal videos (kittens, bunnies, puppies, you name it)

Watching you laugh you lose threads, or vine compilations, something to make you laugh really hard

Naps. I have slept almost an entire day on bad days. Those give you bad headaches if you overdo it but sometimes our body and mind just need extra sleep to catch up to what we demand of it.

These are all stuff I utilize to help pull me out of the stagnant mood you are feeling. If you need someone to talk to or more examples or suggestions based on what helps pull me out of those moods, let me know

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Thank you friend, I truly appreciate your words. I listened to Against the Current and things got better.

Hold fast.

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Anytime. I have my bad days often so you just have to learn what works for you to get through them. :heart:

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