Today I have been so mentally and physically drained. I guess I have been this way for the past week. I feel like my body is giving up on me; I think it’s just because I’m a weak person but I’m just so freaking tired all the time.
Today my dad has just been really irritating me. I just can’t do it anymore.
I know people are going to ask “well have you talked to him?” and I’m just going to say some people just don’t change. Or it takes too much out of me to even try.
The numb feeling I have takes me back to bad times. Times where I didn’t have HS or I didn’t have anyone to talk to. It reminds me of all the shit that I’ve had to go through.
I know there is hope and I know things will get better but as a human I just yearn to be ok- to feel ok.
I feel numb and lifeless. I feel lost and alone.
I just want to lie on my floor for hours and cry, or stare at a wall for hours, just like I used too.
I have been overcome with so much anxiety today and I am feeling so not ok.
I yearn to just feel something. The thing is when you just want to feel something nothing that is healthy helps. The only thing I can think of is bad coping mechanisms that I don’t want to get used to because I am really trying to get better.
I am just. So. Freaking. Tired.