I had a friend who took his own life he wasnt my b

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I had a friend who took his own life. He wasn’t my best friend. We weren’t super close just friendly, We’d chat and have a drink with each other in the pub on occasion. The last time i seen him we were in a pub and he was stuffing his face with a fry up. I had no clue he was going to do what he did. I won’t go into the details but he left the pub looking like he was ok. His mother was the one who sounded the alarm and another friend found him and still has nightmares til this day over it. It changed him entirely. For me it took a few months of trying to understand what he did and why he did it. At first i felt guilt for not being able to see it. Then sorrow for losing him. Then anger at why he could he do this. Then conflicted. It was too much but i was just a casual friend. His best mate who found him was cursed by what he seen.

I just wish he’d told us what he was dealing with instead of laughing and joking and eating his fry up. I wish he’d cried instead


Hey there,

First off, I just want to say thank you for being open with us here. We appreciate it and don’t take it for granted. I believe that sharing how you feel, and what you have been through can help others feel less alone.

I am so sorry for your loss. Although I have not experienced loss in this way, I do know loss well.

At this time, all my grandparents are dead, and I have a friend who passed after being in an accident on his bike.

Loss really, really sucks. Sometimes I just ask myself why? Why does it have to be like this? I have gone through my life with the steady losses of my grandparents. I wish I could say it go easier but I don’t think it ever does.

My boyfriend was communicating with someone here, and learned they had also ended their fight, they passed away. It is hard to think about, how on day everything can just change so quickly. It has gotta be so hard to overcome.

It is hard to know why people do what they do. The past few days I have been going through it just with emotions, financial struggle, that kinda thing. I will admit at times it has just popped into my mind. Why keep going, why keep trying. I don’t really want to reach out to anyone, what if I just left? Those thoughts happen, but I am lucky to be able to have made it out of that headspace.

I don’t think we will ever get an exact answer on why people do these things, but I think it is just pain, they are hurting, and have been hurting for a long time. I wish that it was more accessible for people to be open about how hey feel, what they are going through. That is something we want people to know here, that they are not alone, you can always talk about your feelings or struggles, and people will be here to relate to you, or support you.

Your feelings are understandable, from being sad, and mad, asking why. It is all understandable. Even though you were not best friends, it is still easy to see how much you cared for him. I am so sorry.

The guilt is something I believe many feel in this situation. But please know, you could not have done anything more to stop this from happening. I know that may sound harsh, but some people beat themselves up about it. There is no real way for us to know how someone is feeling, unless they talk about it. Please don’t beat yourself up. You did what you could with what you had, that is all you could do. You were a kind friend.

Please know that we are always here to listen, to be a shoulder to lean on. Once again, I thank you for being open with us here.

I am sending love, take it slow friend.

With love,

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