I had a really, really, REALLY bad day

Warnings: I talk about losing my pet in this post; swearing

I’ll try and break this down into sections so it’s not too tedious to read. It will likely be long, knowing me. Grab a snack and your favorite drink haha

Today started off pretty negatively. I can pretty much gauge if a day’s gonna be shit by the way I wake up which is both good and bad. Good because I know I should take it easy on myself and not take anything too seriously/make decisions until I feel better. Bad because I have to work extra hard to do everyday tasks without breaking down. I woke up really early and I found out I missed a stream I wanted to catch and was really looking forward to, which my brain has decided was REALLY sad for me. I tried to tell myself it’s fine, I can just watch the next stream, but for a few hours my mind was really fixated on being upset about this. This is a problem that happens to me often: I feel overly upset about something small → I try to tell myself it’s okay, it’s not that bad, there’s an easy solution → I feel like crap about it for way too long.

I went back to sleep and was woken up by my dad who said something along the lines of “Get up and help us so you have something to do”. I was pretty much mostly asleep when I heard this, but I guess my mind was conscious enough to think, “wow he only cares about me doing things if it benefits him”. Idk. I don’t have a close relationship with my dad. I don’t know if he even knows that, or if he’s oblivious to it because I don’t really confide in him much so it’s normal. But basically he doesn’t 100% understand my depression and anxiety. There aren’t many moments where I could tell him about myself without fearing that I will be judged and put down which he has done many times my whole life, hence: poor relationship.

Some context of my relationship with my dad and why my brain started automatically thinking this way about what he said:

When I was younger he would yell at me, call me lazy, may have been physically abusive, treated me like shit when I started dating my now ex… and just a whole bunch of anger-driven, narcissistic words and actions towards me that I’ve internalized. I was never allowed to be angry or sad as a child. I hated having him around when I was a kid and when he moved to work overseas he actually said “you look happy” half-jokingly. I don’t know if I ever responded to that, but I was. I was able to enjoy what was left of my childhood when he left. I learned to draw, I played video games, and grew creatively and discovered my passions. It’s partly selfish because I know that we weren’t in the best position in life financially, and we didn’t exactly live in the safest place. But I was a kid. I describe my relationship with him now as superficial, because we get along really well… as long as I don’t become a pain. I don’t think he’s going to physically hurt me, because now we’re actually in a country that gives a shit about that sort of thing. But I say the damage is done and it’s going to take a lot of work to build a better relationship.

Anyways I get up and see if anyone needs some help, and turns out they were starting to eat lunch so I join them. Afterwards, I continue working on cleaning my room because there’s so much crap I just really need to get rid of. I’m not even done yet. But I’m so fricking glad I’m getting rid of most of these things because they’re things I’ve accumulated for 10 years and I think it’s about time I let them go. The memories associated with them aren’t even strong or good, so it’s easy for me to let go. I reached my goal of being able to vacuum my floor. It’s so satisfying to even see my floor, which is why I can’t wait to makeover this room (new bed, new paint, SHELVES!!!)

After cleaning my room, I had a snack. It’s extremely hot and I started getting a migraine. I wanted to nap so bad but all I hear in my mind is my dad shaming me for being lazy, for sleeping all the time. So I refilled my water bottle with iced cold water and called my best friend, who called me this morning but I was too groggy. I had a great conversation with him but I had to hang up because I legitimately felt like throwing up with how bad my headache was. I didn’t want to alarm my family by vomiting (I already had a medical emergency a few weeks back), and I eventually was able to sleep.

My mom woke me up by saying “Hey, do you want to say goodbye to Jupiter?” (one of our pet bunnies we rescued)
I could feel that my headache was gone so I was able to instantly reply “What?” and she says “Jupiter is gone now”
All I could muster was a bunch of whiny "what…"s and I get up and go check. My dad was already digging a hole, and true enough, there was our beautiful JupJup laying peacefully.

It hasn’t hit me yet, like with my grandma’s death, but I know it’s gonna hit me hard later on. I’m still grieving my grandma who passed away in 2019, and my breakup. I was already having a tough day mentally and physically. I’m so so upset right now. Bunnies are pretty difficult pets to have because they don’t make noises and they rely a lot on action and movement to show how they feel. Sometimes you can’t even tell what’s going on until you really check. I have two other bunnies who are younger than Jupiter. But Jupiter came from a home where he was just left in a small cage with nothing to eat but pellets and carrots (not healthy). With us he could run around and be groomed and have a variety of food. He was a very, very, terribly sweet bunny who flomps and lays next to you, likes going in your room, and seemingly also likes metal music. One of my favorite memories was when I was studying really hard in our living room listening to Slipknot, and he comes in and lays right in front of me. He was my study buddy/bunny.

At this point, no one has told my aunt. I’m close with her so I message her and she calls me. We had a really nice conversation. I wish she didn’t live so far away. I’d love to be able to talk to her more. Honestly, I wish I lived with her. One of my biggest goals is to move out of here and live with her. But that’s another story.

I’ve never experienced the death of a pet. I don’t know how I feel right now. I could be angry at my mom, who insisted we get bunnies, and I was strongly against it because she wanted to get them because she just thought they were cute. I told her having a pet is a huge responsibility. There were things that could have been done better, which I don’t even want to think about because it makes me so mad. I don’t even have the energy to be angry at my mom, and I don’t really want to go down that path for many reasons. It’s not productive to me. I feel so low right now. I just needed to get this off my chest. I just wish I could kiss him again and feel his fur.

Thank you for reading, here’s a picture of Jupiter looking like a distinguished gentleman :purple_heart: I love you my baby JupJup.


Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, what a gorgeous fuzzy bunny. I’m sorry you got woken up to the news like that :pensive::heart: I have a pet rabbit too and I know how much they become a big part of your world, every time I walk to the kitchen mine runs in and sits on my feet as his way of asking for treats lol.
Losing a pet can be so difficult, and rabbits are hard to look after correctly, but remember all the good times he had with you. From your post it seems like you loved him a lot. Their little flops and binkies are adorable and I’m so glad he got to have a better life with you than being stuck in a tiny cage.
Is there anything you can keep hold of to remind you of him and help with grieving? There is no right or wrong way to grieve :heart:


losing a pet can be one of the most painful things. I’ve found that having some pics or videos that you can look at, to remember the good times help a bit, and also to remember that they had a good happy life with you. The pain is a result from loving them so much and being loved in return, and they would want you to continue being the great caretaker of the other bun buns you have, so they experience all the same joys and good life. Grieve, yes most def, but try to not let it paralyze you because that’s not what they would want for you.


Hi misty
When I opened your post I was like… So cuttttteeeee fluffffffff and then I saw talks about losing pet and I was like… Oh no… ON NO… This cuteee… NOOOOOOOOOOO

I am so sorry you have lost Jupiter. He seems like a really good bunny. Rest in peace Jupiter. Misty will miss you. I am also sorry about losing your grandma. I have lost my grandpa in 2020 on Christmas. Think about him a lot. It is never easy loosig someone. I have burried a lot of cats and it does get easier but it is never easy. You really had a shitty day no doubt about that. I hope there are as little as possible of days like this in your future. Take your time to process things. Dont push yourself ok. :upside_down_face: When the people around us such as your dad are not super understanding you have to mostly comfort youself and ask for support in places like this. So take it easy on yourself, you deserve a break. :wink:

Btw: also overslept today so welcome to the team :upside_down_face:


Thanks for all your replies everyone. I’m really glad I could let all of these out and show you how sweet and loving Jupiter was. I’m taking a little bit longer to reply since I’m just so exhausted and burnt out, but I’m really appreciative of all your kind words.

@Kayleigh.xo, he was such an absolute sweetie! I miss him so so much. Like @Sita says, I have a lot of pictures of him from the day we got him, to a few days ago when we were brushing his fur. I remember that day, it was quite chilly and he came and snuggled with me. It’s so heartwarming to have a pet bunny to have that interaction with you. I’m hoping to get a tattoo to honor him when I get the chance. I’m so happy we got to be a part of each others’ lives. I will try to grieve in a healthy way, the only thing that worries me is that I’m already going through so much mentally that I fear it would just add on to it.

@Ashwell , thank you so much. He was such a fluffy bunny! I miss Jupiter and my grandma so very much, I was really close with my grandma. I’m so sorry for your loss too, it’s so recent. Thank you for your caring words, sometimes it feels like I need to get over sadness or grief quickly to be at the same pace as everyone but you and everyone here have let me know that it will be okay, and it’s okay to take things slow.

I appreciate all of you, thank you for taking the time to read this I know I write a lot lol :heart:


and please, remember you can come here and talk about the bun bun as much as you need to help you cope! we’re here to try to help you through this

We’re here for you. A tattoo sounds like an awesome tribute to him!


Thank you, Sita. I have to admit it’s been very hard for me recently. Jupiter passing away was really just the cherry on top of everything that’s going wrong. I start waking up with extreme anxiety now. I’m on medication again which I hope will help. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just a bunch of negative thoughts and low/sad feelings throughout the day. I haven’t even been able to be active here and reply much, and I feel really bad about it.

I’m so glad you replied and encouraged me that I can talk about Jupiter. I try and not think about it but when I remember that he’s not there anymore I just get so sad. It’s like I’ve been hit with the grieving process over and over again. 2019 was when my grandma passed away, 2020 was when I went through the breakup and I’m still trying to work through the trauma of that, and now Jupiter. I’m scared that something bad will happen this year even though I’m trying so hard to grow and be a better version of myself. I don’t really know what to do. I feel like I’m on autopilot. I don’t feel like myself. I know that it’s more than just Jupiter’s passing causing this, but it really is too much for me.

I already had a tattoo planned prior to his passing, but the artist I want is in a different city (she draws the CUTEST bunnies!) Instead, I’ll hopefully get a small symbol of Jupiter somewhere on my arm, it looks like this:

firstly, replying here is always welcomed, you’ve been an awesome support to many folks here, but there is no pressure to do so, especially if it’ll be draining on the energy reserves you have at the moment. Just being here is enough, and we’re here to help you too :slight_smile:

I love the tattoo, it reminds me of an Om, which looks like a fancy 3 hehe.

Losses are hard when they’re big, then they’re doubly hard when they come at us one after the next. I’m glad you’ve got meds to help you through the worst of it. If talking helps, talk away :slight_smile: There’ll always be someone to listen here.

But I also believe, that there will be small moments of good and happy for you ahead. I know it’s almost ‘normal’ to expect the bad when it feels like you’re on a streak, but hey, we met here, i think you’re cool and awesome, you’re very supportive and kind here. That’s a win and a positive in my eyes :slight_smile:

Off to caffeinate the day! Wishing you a great weekend friend!

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