My mother drank a 750ml bottle of vodka in a span of 9 hours. I heard banging from my living room and thought my mom was banging on the walls, because she was screaming really loudly, saying to fuck off and shut the fuck up. I thought she was on a phone call (when she’s been drinking she’ll usually call many people and start arguments) so I went out to tell her that we were going to get a noise complaint and to stop hitting the walls. When I went out to the living room, she was sitting on the floor, in her swimsuit, looking absolutely wasted. I just sort of broke down. It just hit me that there was really something wrong with my mom. She has to take medications, and when we talked about her drinking, she told me she only gets really mean when she drinks without taking her medications. But she took her medications today, she’s been on them. It hit me that it wasn’t something with her medications, but that there was a deeper problem.
She had dislocated her shoulder, and couldn’t move her arm, so for about 50 minutes I tried to help her get onto a couch to sleep on, or get into her bedroom, but in the end, it didn’t work out. I had to call 911 while she was screaming at me. She was really drunk so she wasn’t really saying anything that made sense, but she was still screaming anyways. Eventually, the paramedics came and took her to the ER.
I just started screaming, like scream crying. I had to keep reminding myself that it was just a dislocated shoulder and that they’d realize she was drunk and deal with her, but I was so scared that she was going to be given the wrong pain meds and they would mess with the alcohol and it would kill her. I was so scared she was going to die, and it was rational at all, but I guess I was in a state of shock.
My mother was so sad and so drunk that she managed to dislocate her own shoulder. She never left the apartment, she was inside all day, and she ended up dislocating her own fucking shoulder. She lied to the paramedics, she told them she had been asleep, and she woke up and it was dislocated, but she never went to sleep, in reality, she doesn’t remember how it happened, she doesn’t remember dislocating it.
I’ve come to terms that the same woman I love and can’t live without is the same woman who verbally and emotionally abuses me. It’s been hard to accept that she’s the same person, that it’s not two different people in the same body, but I’ve gotten there. It’s really really hard to take it seriously because I love her so much but she’s also destroying me at the same time. I’ve come to terms that I need therapy, and I’ve decided to talk to my mother about seeing a therapist. For now, though, I’m going to continue to talk on here, talk about my life, certain events, things I’m struggling with.
I guess this post is a rant, but I’m not sure what to do next. I’ve talked to my grandma recently, I’ll be going back up to my old town to see doctors about my health, and she told me I’m welcome to stay whenever I need to, for however long I need to. So I have her reassurance, but I don’t know how to talk to my mom about her drinking, and what to do. I’ll probably post some more on here, just because there’s a lot I need to just let out, so sorry for posting a lot.