I am a person who has severe childhood trauma, to the point of actually having DID. But my parents don’t seem to understand that there are things that they just can’t do around me
My dad was coming in to say goodnight, and to give me a good night kiss, he just GRABBED ME by the shoulders and it made me really really uncomfortable so I just tensed up and sort of acted like it didn’t happen, but he picked up on it and said “Why are you acting so crabby” so I told him “You just grabbed me and I really don’t like that” and he got mad at me, took it personally, said “Oh stop, Jesus Christ I can’t even give you a kiss anymore”, walked out, slammed a door at me.
He acts like it’s personal. One time I told him to stop something and he said “I’ve never done anything to hurt you.” like trauma can’t carry over into the rest of your life. He doesn’t have any trauma, so I don’t understand why he feels he has the right to speak over trauma survivors. It isn’t personal, but he takes it that way, and I can’t even have personal boundaries without him getting upset at me. Being grabbed like that scares a lot of us. There are reasons we’re a system that he doesn’t understand, and he seems to feel like he has the right to talk over us when we talk about something bothering us.
It’s not fair. I just want a safe space where I don’t have to feel threatened, and he’s actively taking that AWAY from me. I want to be able to relax in my own house instead of feeling like I did back then, but I can’t even do that anymore. I can’t talk to him about it either, because he just takes stuff personally and he’ll yell at me, making me feel even MORE uncomfortable in my own home. I hate it here. I hate being treated like my problems aren’t valid ones, or like I’m “just a kid so adults have the right to speak over my personal experiences”. I’m so sick and tired of it.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing this here with us. Trauma is so very complicated and is something that a lot of people, especially those who have never experienced trauma don’t understand. DID is a very real result of trauma and trying to explain not only the trauma you’ve experienced but your trauma responses as a result is beyond frustrating I can imagine.
The way you are reacting to certain things and the system you are a part of are all working in an attempt to protect you. They came about in response to the trauma you experienced. That is incredibly hard to explain to someone and even more so when they take your very normal reactions to an abnormal situation (the trauma you experienced) personally. Just because that person wasn’t part of the trauma, it doesn’t mean that trauma responses can’t still happen when interacting with that person. So know that how you are responding and reacting to things is more than understandable.
I’m so sorry the place you’re supposed to feel the most safe in is no longer safe. It sounds like you’re constantly walking on eggshells and having to be on high alert and it is bringing back some of those same feelings of the trauma you had experienced as a child.
Know that you are valid in what you are feeling and your experiences should not be minimized. It takes a lot of strength and courage to not only work through trauma but to speak out about it when others are not understanding. I’m sorry that your dad is not being understanding despite your efforts to explain how and why you are feeling what you are feeling. I would encourage you to remember that he may be taking this personally, but that is on him. That is not yours to carry my friend.