I hate everything

I hate myself. I hate everything. I hope I die. I don’t even care about anything anymore. Why does God not see that him taking away something I loved so much is causing me to feel this way? I am in pain. I HATE MYSELF. I hate who I am. I want to die. I am so depressed. I’m so stupid. I don’t want to exist anymore. I feel like I’m just here. I’ll never be myself again. This is ALL my fault. My life is over.

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@alenatbow14 hey know you are not alone and are loved. We are here to talk and help you. Please stay strong. In my hardest moments in life, I look at the small good things first then grow from that. Find the good and use that to late on. Pray for guidance and patience. Meditate for a little and breath. You are loved

-Morgan

I’ve been there before and it really does get better. We’re all here for you and care about you and hope to see you grow past this. Find a quiet place of rest and ease your mind, you have the strength to choose joy instead of despair. Hang in there friend, we love you.

Heyo… waves

I don’t have anything useful to say because I have no information to even try and help you, but I do have to say that I admire you raging. I love it actually. I for one can’t rage, and can’t cry, so I respect you doing so. You are in pain, that is clear, so rage, scream into your pillow, scream into the storm, just be careful not to break stuff. There is an end to screaming when your throat gets hoarse, and then you’ll cry, and there will be an end to crying. And then you’ll get up, and go on.
Just for now, just scream, and don’t let anyone silence you. This is your soul claiming space you need right now. Just stay safe.

You are loved, and you are not alone.

Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy

some support we received for you on Instagram. We love you! Hold fast:)

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Hey there,

I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. I have no idea what happened to cause your pain, but by you coming here and talking about it just the little amount you did, I hope it eased it just a little or was at least worth getting it out.

Be safe.

@taylorpalmby @MorganVinHoch @Jaden @thatolddutchguy1 @GuitarSeal hey guys! The reason why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling is because I was at a point in my life when I was super happy and had everything together. My ex left me and I was trying to rebuild the pieces. I finally started to feel great and got to a place where I was 100% happy with everything that was happening in my life. I loved who I was and what I looked like. I loved everything. I was going for my dream of wrestling, I felt so good about myself, I got my associates degree, I got a new car, my relationship with God was the best it had ever been. I was SO happy with life. It was amazing. Everything felt right. I was so happy that I forgot that I had suffered from anxiety and depression for years. My eating disorder went away. I was just overall so happy with my life. Then my ex came back…he made it seem like he really changed. I kept telling him I wanted to be friends, but he kept telling everyone I was his girlfriend and forced me back into a relationship. I kept trying to leave because by then I really wanted to wrestle and kept getting these weird feelings toward him and didn’t understand why. My heart was getting pulled toward wrestling more and more every day and it felt like I was getting pulled away from him and I didn’t understand why. So I told him about how I was feeling he started to make me feel bad for it. I started to get extremely depressed because of how I was feeling toward him and I assumed I was the bad guy. I never broke up with someone before so when I broke up with him it destroyed me. I didn’t break up with him because I didn’t love him anymore, my mental state was falling apart. He didn’t make the situation any better on me so I ended up going away to crisis because I felt that I was such a terrible person for breaking up with him and I tried to commit suicide because I hated myself so much. Come to find out he cheated on me twice and lied to my face about it multiple times and I found out that he was texting his ex trying to get back with her, but she paid him no mind. When I found out everything and confronted him, he twisted everything around on me. I haven’t talked to him in almost a month. I finally decided that it was MY time to get into wrestling since that’s what I wanted so bad. Got the paper and everything to start training, a week later I wake up and with no recollection of wrestling and the memories. No recollection that I ever loved it. I went to watch it and felt absolutely nothing. It makes me extremely upset. So I keep blaming myself because I’m like if I hadn’t let him pull me into that relationship I would be wrestling and happy right now…now I fear it’ll never come back