I hate my brain - Grieving all over again

I’m not sure what this is. A rant, ramblings, random venting but I just wanna say I’m really mad at my brain right now. So for context I lost my father in October of 2019 and while I’m not “over” it persay. I’ve mourned. I’ve grieved. And while I still cry about it now and again I’ve been told that is normal. But recently my brain decided it would give me a dream where my father has not only come back to life but also have my mother say “He came back only so he could pass somewhere more comfortable.” (The dream took place in his home and for context he died suddenly of heart failure in the middle of the street.) The worst part though? When I woke up I had to actually remind myself that my father was in fact still dead and all of a sudden I was going through a mini-version of the grieving process. Is my brain messed up? It’s gotten to the point I am now… 20 hours without sleep (at time of writing) cause I don’t to dream like that again. It sucks.


I think you’re brain is fine.

Everyone handles death of loved ones differently and, at least in my personal experience, it is very hard to get ‘over it’. In some ways I think we never really do. I think that over time we become resilient to the pain but their death is still a traumatic thing that happened and so I think occasionally dreaming of said person or event is normal.

I think the hardest death I’ve dealt with was the death of my little brother who died in a single vehicle accident 3 weeks before his 17th birthday. I lived thousands of miles away at the time and his death came as a surprise (obviously) and I wasn’t able to attend his funeral… I think this was probably a blessing in disguise. Anyway, I had dreams about his death for many years after it happened, probably around 6 years. Thankfully I don’t get them anymore because they weren’t very pleasant.

So, long story short, try not to be so hard on yourself. You’ve been through hard times and over times those emotions and dreams will become more tolerable.


Although I haven’t experienced it yet I cannot imagine how difficult it is to lose a parent. I spent a great deal of my marriage early on worrying about my parents dying because I had moved away. That said… offer yourself some grace. Thinking of you…


Hi CephalonWolffe
I am sorry you had such a dream. Grieving is a strange process and it can be pretty messy. Losing a family member is never ever easy and dealing with that loss must be so hard. The problem with dreams is that they are almost impossible to controll and we must sleep. The only way i know of to influence dreams is A lucid dreaming B intense experience before sleep. I will post a video of guided lucid dreaming but there are many more on youtube so you can choose a different one that suits you more. The other method may be a horror movie before sleep or something like that but this method i would not recomend for obvious reasons. I hope the Lucid dreaming can help you make your dreams more peaceful and less painful. Hang in there CephalonWolffe :wink:. Lucid Dreaming: Guided Lucid Dreaming Meditation & Lucid Dreaming Hypnosis (SUB TECHNIQUE) - YouTube


I’m sorry you have lost your father. I’ll start off by saying you’re on alone in this. Alot of people are loosing family members this year and they might be experiencing similar things as you. As it is good to grieve, cope, and move on, if this keeps happening do you think it may be a helpful idea to join a grievance counseling?

I’m sorry you had a dream that’s throwing you back to this. Do you think it would help to listen to music before going to bed? If that doesn’t help, I’ve had dreams before that have terrified me and made me not want to go back to sleep. When that happens, I have my own technique for it. Just relax where you’re laying and imagine that your bed is encased in a bubble of gold light. That light is pure and peaceful, it will keep anything negative from touching you and prevent your dreams from becoming something nightmarish. Then imagine your body is also filled with that gold light, it’s comfortable and it will protect you. You’ll start to feel relaxed and at peace, it will also protect you in your dreams. This may help you, so I’m just throwing this thought out there.

I hope you can find better peace in your sleep. Don be afraid to go back to sleep, it’ll be okay.



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