Today, I literally just bumped into my little bro and he said “ow”, and my mom managed to turn me into some villain. She always does this. My brother seems remotely upset, and she makes me the villain, and tricks him into thinking she’s helping him or something, or even protecting him from me. I’m so fucking sick of her. I’m so sick of everything. Why can’t I go a fucking day without being miserable? Why is it always this way? I just want to die so fucking bad, and everyday just feels like a nightmare.
i get that since it is your little brother parents often make the older sibling look like some big villain. its harder for little kids bc like they are easily influenced. when i had problems like that i would often just go for a walk. to clear my head. as for everyday being miserable that cant be true and even if you feel like it i can assure you things will look up its all about perspective. things wont always be bad try to look at some of the bad things in a new light! i dont think this is much help but i hope its something…
@PleaseJustKillMeAlready I can sense the immense amount of frustration in your post. It seems like your family is a big pain point in your life when you’re already having to deal with heaviness in your heart. Family is supposed to be a safe loving relationship but many times, it’s not. I don’t know much about your family dynamics but I can tell you that I have felt demonized by my own family when I was younger and it sucked. Big time. After my dad left, my mom also made me out to be the villain because I was a lot like my dad (appearance, personality, hobbies) and she hated him. Her and my sister would blame me for anything they could, gang up on me, not invite me to their hangouts, tell me I was selfish. It sucks. I’m sorry that the people you’re surrounded by are adding stress to your life right now when you’re already feeling so low. You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around both of them when you just need your space to decompress.
I want to remind you that you aren’t a villain. You’re not messing up or hurting people by going about your day. You won’t feel like this forever. There is hope for change that your life won’t feel like a nightmare and every day won’t feel miserable. It may be hard to believe right now but you will get through this chapter and better days are ahead
In some families, it’s important to have a ‘scapegoat’, that was me in my family. The problems of the family were my fault. I can very much relate to ‘being miserable’. I used to wish I could get one day when they didn’t come after me for something. I felt trapped, and miserable too. It’s so hard not to take what your mom is doing personally, that it is about you, but really it is about her. I would encourage you to try as best you can, while in this pandemic, to be away from home and family as much as possible. When all else failed for me, I took hours long walks, to get away. If you can manage some away time, while your away, try not to think of your family, but try to think of you, and try to counter some of the negativity in your life by thinking of yourself, and the life you want to lead, and the person you want to be, and give yourself some love, cause you’re in a difficult time, dealing with difficult people. Don’t hurt yourself because of them, because of their failings, or because they’re blaming you for what they are doing, because what they are doing is not right. The outrage you feel is completely justified, but that outrage should be channeled in a way that will help you grow and become the person you are meant to be, and I would implore you NOT to think of yourself, in the terms your mother thinks of you, but try to think of yourself, as your best friend, someone who deserves your care and devotion.
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