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I hate my self, and I don't want to live anymore

I don’t think I can do this anymore, I really can’t. I have constant thoughts of suicide and death. I either have no ability of feeling emotion, or I’m uncontrollably depressed. I hate my body, and everything about myself. My step-mom’s constant hateful comments make me feel like I can never be happy without changing who I am. The things she says really get to me and I have began to starve myself. I feel like I can never reach my mom’s insane standards, and whenever i tell her how I feel, she undermines my feelings and makes me feel invalid. All my “friends” are constantly annoyed by my presence, and hate when I’m around. I constantly think I should just die, and they’d be happier. I’m so young and these feelings are so strong that I think I’ll have to live like this forever. I don’t want things to always be like this, I want to be happy, but it just seems impossible. Just getting out of bed in the morning is already to hard. What’s the point of doing anything If my life will be terrible forever. i posted it here because I feel that this is an understanding community, and my parents would just make things worse.

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Maybe you think it’s not true, but I understand you, life is not easy for anyone, and there is the beauty of life, living it is a gift and a constant challenge to overcome adversity, I don’t know if you believe in God, but if you do, He makes every day worthwhile, that every day the sky is blue and not gray, I send you a big hug.

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Oh @night_time18, I can feel what you said, so deeply. I’m truly sorry you have to go through this and I really want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s still hope. When I was young, my mom was a violent person and still is sometimes. She used to be very creative in the ways she humiliated and diminished my sister and I. And I felt like you, like I don’t belong and I wouldn’t be enough for her or for anyone else. But I’m 26 and I’m still here, even if I needed to learn to protect myself from her over time. Your step mom shouldn’t say things like this and she should listen to you. What you’re sharing is important and we’ll always taking it seriously here.

Honey, what she says to you is not the truth. I don’t know why she’s behaving like this, but trust me it’s not because of you. Try to remember that. This situation isn’t defining you at all. You are wonderful as you are, whatever her “standards” or anything like this. You don’t deserve to starve yourself for that, for her or for anyone. You need to take care of yourself and your body. You’re already aware that these standards are insane. Hold on to this thought. This hate you have for yourself is the result of her own behavior and says. We don’t want that for you. You deserve much better.

Your life won’t be terrible forever, but for the moment you’re not helped by your surroundings. I don’t know about your family situation or relationships, but is your father there and/or aware of the situation? Also, is there any way for you to reach out to someone to talk about your thoughts about death? A counselor at school for example, or an institution near where you live? We can talk about it anytime you want, but I also want you to be safe.

Also, about your friends, is it something they actually said to you, that you’re annoying them? Or is it something you believe they’re thinking?

You are wonderful as you are, you have worth and value. Keep coming here as much as you need and let us know how you’re doing. You matter, never doubt it. :heart:

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@night_time18

Hi. I hope this video helps you out.