I hate myself. I keep failing and hurting myself. I feel so worthless. I feel like such a burden. I hate my body. I hate everything I make. Why can’t I just stop hurting myself. Why can’t my family just stop fighting. Why can’t they just accept me. I’m such a failure.
Your not a failure. It’s them whos wrong for not accepting you. There are also a lot of people who do accept you. You are not a burden to some of us. I know that does not make up for the way it is with them, though.
No, you are not a failure. Before I start to write a missive full of cliched phrases and platitudes, I want you to know that to fail at something doesn’t mean you deserve a form of punishment. We’ve all failed at something, we’ve all at one point felt like a burden. You are not. Use your failures as a chance to change. Learn from them.
No, you can’t make your family stop fighting. Emotions and ego are often the cause of most family fights because it isn’t about the issue. It is often about who shouts the loudest and neither side will ever win if that’s all they do. If they can’t accept you for who you are, then that is their problem. Not yours. It is not your job to make them accept you. It is your job to love them strongly and to forgive them even if it hurts to do so.
I have learned long ago that no matter how hard it is to face my own failures. No matter how tough life gets when family seems to be at odds with each other, or with me I don’t let their emotions change my perceptions. The best thing is to state your case and let them deal with the rest. You have said your piece now it’s up to them. If they can’t or won’t accept you then it is their fault. Not yours.
Thank you for that I need it. I really did.
I know that when I fail I don’t have to punish myself but it’s hard no to when I have been doing it all my life. I’m trying to break it but it’s hard. Stoping self harm is hard.
I now quote Aoi’s Story from Storis Of Love.
- Hiroyo showed me that it was not my fault for accidentally being rude and not being able to explain things, the people who left me are not my friends.
In the story, Aoi, the main character, was being rejected. The thought it was his wrongdoing, but a boy named Hiroyoshi accepted him, despite his times of accidental rudeness and misunderstanding. And to me it sounds like you are being rejeted. But I tell you, it is not your fault. And I accept you.
Thank you. I have just been rejected all my life and I always blame myself. I have been trying to not to but I still blame myself.