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I hate myself and I don't want to eat ever

I’m not eating. Feel like I don’t deserve it, that and I really hate my body. So I’m working out and not eating. I sometimes punch myself in the stomach too and idk why… I guess it’s to force my mind to focus on something else. I’m struggling with eating, a lot. And I find myself not wanting to eat every day. I lie to my family and say I’ve eaten so they don’t cook food for me. And because I just stay in my room, they don’t really care or notice anything that I do.
I have days where I don’t feel well, and as stupid as it might sound, I kinda like those days cause then I’m not forced to eat either. Starvation feels like the easiest option, and has been the easiest option lately. I punch myself in the stomach lately too just to distract my mind from the hunger pains.

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Hi Wolf,

Why do you feel as though you don’t deserve to eat? Everyone deserves food and sustenance. It’s part of self-care and affects every facet of your life. Lack of nutrients results in malnutrition and low blood sugar which makes it super hard to control emotions and negative emotions tend to flare as well. Exercising at the same time does more to empty your reserves and does more harm than good if you’re not eating.

Why not eat healthy and work out? I’m not sure why you don’t like your body but a healthy diet and exercise regime is good for the body and mind. Starvation, aside from the obvious side effects, causes heart problems, teeth problems, muscle pain and atrophy, the list goes on.

You say starvation is the easiest option. For what? Losing weight? I would like to know more about how you are feeling and why you feel those things. I wonder what has happened that has led you to believe you don’t deserve the basic necessities of life. I’m glad you came here to share these behaviors, as this is a great place to find support. I care for your well-being and it makes me sad to see you hurting yourself. Is there anyone in your personal life you can talk to about your frustrations?

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Hey @mammawolf,

Thank you so much for sharing what you’re going through. Especially since it seems that all of this remains unnoticed in your surroundings. The fact that you take the time to write down and share all of this is important and valuable. Thank you.

I’m just a stranger, I don’t know your story, what’s behind the feelings you are experiencing right now, but what you describe is very relatable to me. I used food as a way to punish myself for a long time, whether it’s through starvation or binge eating. I still struggle with both from time to time. And these patterns are two sides of the same piece. The result was the same as it had and is still having an impact on my health. It’s a painful spiral, but it doesn’t have to be like this.

It’s really hard to feel like you don’t deserve to eat. Even though I have no doubt that you know that this isn’t about deserving or not. It’s a basic need for your body to function properly. Not a right to acquire. But when the way we feel interfere with something as essential as eating, we can be tempted to change the rules and use it as a way to hurt ourselves.

You don’t deserve this pain, friend. Maybe it’s your only way to cope these days. And again, I don’t know what’s going on in your life or how you feel besides any eating concern. But there are healthier ways, different paths to follow. This is not made for you. You don’t deserve to stay in this dark place filled of lies about yourself. You have the right to be healthy. You have the right to eat and learn to have a better relationship with food and with your body. You have the right to reach out and receive the support you need.

I hope you’re hanging in there. Hope you’re treating yourself well - at least as you can. We care about you here. :heart:

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