I hate myself and everything i do. i want to stop but i can’t. I fight with my sister. I make my parents fight because they’re fighting about me and I hate it! I hate that i’m this way. i do so many things wrong and i’m constantly told “When will this get through your thick head” and tbh i don’t know. I’m constantly crying because I’m not good enough and i hate myself. I have no friends that can help and it’s not like i’m going to talk to my parents. I just really need to stop but I can’t and I don’t know how. Please Help me…
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Hey there friend,
I think you acknowledging that you want to be better is such an important and hard step to take. The hardest part is getting started as they say. I’m not sure exactly what it is that you are doing wrong, but maybe you are looking more at the external when you should be looking at the internal. What I mean is that you see all these things you do wrong as you do them and the difficulties it causes around you, but what is going on inside of you? Focus on looking inward at yourself, and look at the heart of yourself first. Maybe there is a challenge you are facing internally that is causing you to do these things, and it needs to be addressed. Is there something that is hurting you inside, something that holds you back? Maybe there is something beneath the surface that is hurting you, which is causing you to do these things.
You are good enough friend! I can tell in your words that you want to be better, but perhaps you are having difficulty in finding the way to be better when so much goes on around you. Look into yourself and into your heart and work through it, and in time you’ll see beauty come out of it!
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Thank you very much! I will keep all this in mind. Thanks for taking time to help mr, greatly appriciated 
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Hello, Cait. We used your post for a discussion tonight. Thank you for posting. I hope you find this helpful.
Much love,
Brian - mydaddycangame
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From: stafflower
hey friend, that’s a lot to carry. We are here for you. You matter so much and I’m proud of you for opening up and sharing so openly about how you’re feeling. Let’s carry this together. Love you, hold fast.
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From: avjr04
I went through a period of my life, hating myself. I was miserable. What made me feel better is practicing loving myself. I am not perfect at it, but I am in the process. Forgive yourself, my friend. Others will forgive you. I encourage you to give yourself grace and mercy. Do your best to love yourself.
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My parents used to fight about me all the time too. Well, honestly they used to fight over everything, but I was a common topic because of my anxiety and depression. My nan blames my dad for my mental health being the way it is, and so when he confronted my mum about it, that’s when it all began. My dad would try and “toughen” me up, but ended up being straight-up abusive. I spent years despising myself, in a cycle of drug abuse and suicide attempts.
I’m nearly 18 months clean, and moved out of my parents home, yet, they still argue about me. I still get days where I hate myself. I too have no one around me that I can go to for support. I even look at the friends I have here in heartsupport and think there’s no way I can talk to them. I mean, damn, I’m going through a period of that right now. Looking at who I have here in the community and think that I’m alone. Does that mean I AM alone, or does that mean I have to change my perspective?
Yea, it feels impossible, but it something that we have to work on slowly and I’m still struggling to do myself. There are people here for you, even if it doesn’t feel like you have anyone around you right now, you will have this safe place always. You’re loved. You matter. You’re not alone.
Hold Fast
Kayla
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From: sithpanda
A friend and I were just talking about this yesterday. Do you game or play sports? I ask because in gaming or sports no one thinks anything is wrong with failing over and over again while working hard to pass the boss, beat the raid, win the game… but people feel badly about doing the same thing in life. You matter and your life is your most important “achievement” keep working on it… dozens or even hundreds of times… don’t give up and you will eventually find your way.
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From: microsmos_
Hey Cait, I know you already succeeded in something which is reaching out to this community. 
It’s important to acknowledge your stuggles and maybe it’s the first step for you to start working on something deeper. There’s nothing wrong with you but it seem quite normal to feel a bit lost for the moment. <3 We’ll be here to help you as much as we can.
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So glad you are here and reaching out to this community, Cait! I can definitely relate with “I hate myself”. What I’ve been trying to learn is to…not be hard on yourself. It’s something a lot of us struggle with, especially for me right now.
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Hey @Cait we covered your topic on the HeartSupport Twitch stream today! Here’s the live video response. Hold fast
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You don’t mention that it would be impossible to have a conversation with your sister, but I’ve found in the past that if I open a conversation, though highly challenging to do, with something along the lines of, “We’re family and inside we care about each other. I don’t want us to fight at all about this, but I’m looking to open a conversation where we both can air things out but not expect to necessarily find a middle ground right now.” It would be challenging and likely uncomfortable, but I’ve found it to be worthwhile with people I’ve had serious disagreements. Franklin Covey, in his renowned “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” shows the importance of the notion to “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.” Often in a fight, I’ve found that I’m hearing what I want to hear about the opposing party and not actually understanding what they mean. Especially when we come from a place acknowledging that we are trying to understand each other, I’ve often been able to make ground in ways that I did not think was possible. Further reading can be found at Seven Habits: Fifth Habit
Regardless of what action you decide to take you have value, and you can change what you may need to. Through time and consistent effort, we can be versions of ourselves that we can be proud of. This isn’t to say that you need to change, however. The only person who can truly know your conscience and what you need to do with yourself is you.
I believe you have the ability to live your best life, whether you’re there now or need to grow. I’m proud of you for opening up here; it’s a lot to just get these things off your chest. I wish you the best of luck in your relationships, and I know you can find a happier place for yourself, your sister, and your parents.
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