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I hate myself, I cant remember anything ive liked about me anymore

I’m nothing special often times I feel worthless and I always feel so ugly no matter what I try I just always feel so ugly I hate my body I hate my mind I hate the way I am I hate just everything about me I really wish I wasn’t on this Earth anymore I’ve been feeling this way for a really long time when I was young my brother used to tell me to kill myself he would bring me knives and tell me to end it he would write me notes text messages or leave me a voicemail about everything on my body that was gross even Parts I have never thought of he would make me hate it so much and hate myself and he would tell me no one love me my parents hated me and I believed it I was so young who I was just in Elementary School it still hits me to this day so growing up hating myself was just a part of me and I didn’t think I was worth dressing up putting on makeup and my parents hated that even more and they would call me ugly and would call me a disgrace because I wasn’t feminine enough didn’t realize that I just hated myself so much I didn’t love anything about me none of my boyfriend worked out either and then I met this guy he was so nice to me treated me like I was worth something gave me all his time and attention and would call me amazing and special he said he loved me so much and it made me feel it and I loved it I started loving myself just a little bit I have things on my body that I liked again and then he started cheating a lot a lot a lot and I was so dumb and stupid to even realize it that he would never stop and then went on for 3 years girl after girl after girl f*** his best friend’s fiance he would f*** my friends he didn’t care and it kept him around at first it felt as if he was using me he didn’t have a car and I will drive him back and forth which over miles and miles away I would be late to my job all the time and he said don’t worry about it I started hating myself more and I think I gained some weight I want to ask him I was really sad and I had a really bad day and I just wanted him to tell me that I was pretty and he just stood there for 3 minutes just looking at me I asked him if we should give me one compliment least need it now and he just kept looking at me and he said you have eyes how sad is that I hate myself he used to tell girls that I was nothing today knew that our relationship is not real pain that I knew he can drop him for anyone but that’s not what he told me he lived with me if he talked about kids we went on vacation together I was there when he was in the hospital and you were still cheating on your mother how much I tried but how much I try to hate into or leave him I don’t know why I couldn’t I was so stuck and I’m so stupid cuz I’m still stuck now this girl he’s seeing asked him if I was pretty and he said no he couldn’t even lie why do I still like him he tries to sleep over and I let him and I let him do whatever you wants Ernie’s always f****** other people I’m coming over after I told him not to do that anymore why am I like this why do I do this to myself and now I just utterly and completely hate me I hate everything about me I hate looking at myself in the mirror I hate my body I am everything I want to cry all the time all the time I don’t like anything about me I’m so worthless such a waste of space I have nothing for the world I have nothing for anyone I’ll never be good in a relationship too bad everything into ugly am too fat just I suck at life and I don’t know why I already tried overdosing a few times to no success I’ve been cutting myself a lot I’ve been drinking a lot oven smoking a lot just so I don’t feel like me anymore cuz I just don’t want to be me anymore I don’t want to be me and I don’t know how to change your me I feel so bad for my mom that she has me she she said it too but he’s disappointed cuz I always space everyone knows it everyone says it yet here I am I just want to kill myself so bad why do I do this to myself I don’t know why everyday tell myself how worthless I am how ugly I am no one wants to be your friend I lose friends all the time go on Who wants to be with me talk to guys and they block me or they just want one thing I hate me I hate me so much

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@Justagirl24
I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time! Listen, you’re a beautiful being with so much potential! There are people out there in the world that will think you’re beautiful and though I’m just a stranger, I care for you and I just want you to know that everyone here cares for you. I’ve been down a road similar to yours to where I didn’t feel like myself because I felt like I couldn’t do what I love, which is art. Art is who I am and because of homework, I can’t do art as much and it makes me feel like I’m not myself, but I have found a way to still be who I am. I do what I love during breaks.

Ask yourself this,
Is there anything I love to do that makes me feel like myself?

Once you answer that, which you don’t have to answer straight away so take your time, try doing that thing. That’s what works for me.

Again, I care for you, everyone here cares for you. You’re a beautiful being on the inside and I believe in you! If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here for you!!!

With love,
alexgamer_haMeowlton

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