I pray every night that God will take my breath. I work for free in my fiancees garage, watch young girls flirt with him endlessly, allow his friends and family to degrade me and am told to let it roll off my back. I failed at my last marriage of 13 years and my mother (my only family) passed away at the age of 43 in 2006. I can’t gather the courage to end it but am so exhausted living in such pain and loneliness. I just can not bare the thought of leaving my cats behind. The fear of them going to a shelter has been my motivation for staying but the daily abuses and neglect I endure is too much. I was once such a beautiful and intelligent person who had wonderful friends around and after my divorce and moving back to the South, life has been daily hell.
Praying for you. I understand being stuck in such a terrible situation can’t be easy. Even if there’s one good thing you have but everything else is going wrong. Keep your head up and do what’s best for you. It’s ok to take care of yourself
Is your fiancé flirting back?
Thank you so much for your prayers! I sincerely appreciate your kind words
Always here for support, even if I can’t help directly
I believe he is but he insists that I am misinterpreting the interactions as he owns a very busy small business. Before he began his business it was only the occasional girl flirting but now that the perception of him possibly being wealthy has taken over his persona, it’s as if every young girl in the area is interested. He’s a very intelligent person so I want to believe that he sees it for what it is but when it comes to our relationship, it’s constant efforts for his business, his family and his friends. I have put myself in such a terrible position in the name of love that I am so isolated. He and his friends constantly degrade me. At the end of every day I feel so lost and terrible about who I am, that I have lost any will to go on. And I when hate myself for turning into such a pathetic person who can not get the nerve to end it. I almost succeeded last year with an overdose and he happened to come in
I have some ideas that might help, but in my experience people usually do not want help, they want to feel validated. I like cures: I would rather have the pain stop even if it means that I am wrong.
Have you always felt this way about your fiancé? When he tells you that he is not flirting with other women, what language does he use? Is he abusive to you in any way?
When you tried to kill yourself, who was going to find your body?
Do you have mental illness that could be making you feel the way you do? There are ways to change problematic surroundings and ways to treat the things happening behind your eyes that make you miserable, and, although they overlap, doing something like moving far away is not going to prevent mental illness from coming back.
Your happiness is worth many cats and you sound miserable. If you have to run away, run away, but if you have to fix some problems with your brain, fix the problems in your brain —even if confronting mental illness is scarier and more humbling than radically changing your familial ties and where you live.