I hate this

I’m struggling again tonight. A few weeks ago I walked away from 5 toxic friendships which was extremely hard to do. That same week I got into many arguements with several different family members. I didnt even do Thanksgiving with my family. And most likely wont do Christmas eather. I dont feel welcome I dont feel loved. I feel like a piece shit han being. I bent backwards for so many people and they always shit on me. I cant fucking handle it anymore. Like I’m fucking alone outside from the internet. I sit in a dark fucking room all day and let me dark thoughts consume me. I thought I was improving by doing a huge self care week and going get a therapist and getting on the right meds and telling my family about what’s going on but it’s gotten worse. Half my family is not mocking my depression and saying it’s not real or not valid. Which I already do not feel like a valid person. I feel like a waste of a human being tbh. I struggle way to much and I’m tired of it I want break I want to be happy I want people to be their when I’m happy or sad. I dont want to be the black sheep . I want people to be proud of me and support me and not treat me like I’m a fuck up . Or charity case. Or take advantage of me. 2019 FUCKING SUCKED. I WANT TO BE HAPPY!!! I WANT TO BE ABlE TO WORK AGAIN! I dont want to be sad anymore but I dont see a end of this dark tunnel i know it’s just a season but it’s a shitty one. I feel like everyone turned their back on me. And get other people have stuff going on to but the way that these people treated me including very close family members is not ok. All of this has absolutely BROKE me.

Hey friend,
I hear you. You have definitely been through a lot. I am so sorry to hear of how you are being treated. I wanted to point out something though…you have done something incredibly helpful for yourself, you let go of the toxic relationships. It takes an incredibly strong person to know when enough is enough. You are so strong for recognizing your worth and seeing to it that those people are no longer able to have a relationship with the amazing person that is YOU! Maybe its time to continue cleaning house and distancing yourself from relationships with toxic family members. The holidays can be hard, but your should never have to suffer being talked down to or about negatively just because of holiday get togethers. Spend some time with close friends or family that does support you. You matter. How you’re feeling is valid and deserves to be heard and cared for. You deserve to be loved and receive love, even from yourself. 2019 may have sucked, but you can start making it better right now and moving into 2020 with a great sense of self-compassion and love by leaving the relationships that are not bringing you joy. Hang in there friend, those of us here, we will and want to support you through it all. Hold Fast.

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