I have a lot of hate

Hey guys,

I am coming with yet another rant, because apparently I am not doing well and I am aware of that.

I am still not over my ex. There- I said it. I preach left and right to people to get over their ex and that is not worth it and that they should practice self worth and stuff but I am no good.

I stalked his brother’s instagram today in search of pictures with him and accidentally liked a picture. The dude doesn’t even have me on friends. I flipped. Chaos insured. Cried and entered this psychotic frenzy due to the fact that I am not over it and I cannot meet new people and move on. It’s been six months and the pain is still there, very much in control of me just like some ghost.

I want it to go away. I want all this pain to go away. I want to stop looking on the streets for my ex and live in the past of what was already a toxic relationship.

I am just stuck.

Hi there sodahead94! ( ´ ▽ ` )ノ

First off: You are not alone. Reading your post, I could feel the echoes of my own past and journey. And I hope my words can help bring you some comfort.

Sometimes, it’s hard to apply the advice we give to others to our own lives and situations. Don’t be hard on yourself for not being able to get over your ex.

It’s ok to still not be over them. Depending on the relationship you two shared, what had happened in said relationship, and your own feelings it may take a long time to fully get over them.

A friend of mine shared this sentiment with me a long time ago:
Depending on how long you were with that person it may take you just as long to heal and move on.

Give yourself time and permission to mourn the loss of this relationship that meant something to you despite it’s toxic nature.

Sometimes, it can feel like you’re weak and not moving forward because one day you find yourself thinking about them and what you two shared. And it’s not weakness at all. It’s natural and part of the healing process.

And during this time, it can be hard to get out and meet new people (or to even get to the point where you actually want to do so). Nor should you push yourself to meet new folks if you don’t feel ready to do so.

My previous two (and only relationships) were toxic as well.
And though now I have zero desire to rekindle what was lost, I do still find myself mourning the relationships, and can feel the invisible wounds and scars—even after all these years.

It takes time to heal. And some days, you feel like you’ve made 5 steps forward! And you feel amazing like you’re a #bossbitch!!
And other days, you go 10 steps back and feel like a #loser and you end up beating yourself up because you don’t feel like you’re getting better.
But it’s part of the healing process. And just know, it’s ok to still be hurting. It’s ok to regress.

I know it’s hard, but try your best to avoid them on social media. Block them, family members, and friends of theirs so the temptation to see them online or see what they’re up to is gone.
Because continuing to actively seek them out online, and even in real life, will definitely hinder the healing process.

Also, I think if you “unlike” something the notification will go away as if you never liked it in the first place! But you know, we’ve all been there: cyber-stalking exes or crushes and then accidentally liking a picture (or liking a picture that’s YEARS old LOL).

Again, just know that it’s ok to still be hurt. It’s ok to still not be over this person.

Some things that really helped me move on were:

  1. Diving back into all of the hobbies I love that were taken away from me in those toxic relationships.

  2. Doing things/making choices that were for me—especially ones that got me out of my comfort zone.

  3. Writing in a secret journal blog so that I could bring myself some closure about the relationships.
    (In a way you’re doing this one already by coming to the support wall and sharing with us! Way to go!)

Filling your mind and time with new hobbies and creative outlets may help so that your ex doesn’t continue occupying so much real estate in your mind.

Anyway, I hope this helps you in some small way.
Take care and be kind to yourself. <3

-Deer

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