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I have a plan to end it

i don’t think i will unfortunately, and it sounds pessimistic, but if there was one, i think they wouldn’t allow such pain. if i were to find some sort of religion, i tend to go towards a polytheistic one, but even then i’m too skeptical. i’ve tried a lot before.

i’m sorry that happened to you, i can only imagine how much that hurt you.

it’s just that at this point, i feel like it’s better than me running to the only two people in my life every time i feel like this.

I dont know them but I’m willing to go on a limb and say they would tell you to run… full force if you have too… you are important… you matter…

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thank you, i suppose i should. i just feel bad because they try to be there for me, but tell me to get professional help because they aren’t equipped to help more. which is understandable, but i just don’t have money for it. i don’t want them to feel bad that they can’t help.

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Hello limeytea,

The pain you are going through is real and looking for a way to stop it is natural. With suicide so common these days, it seems like a good idea to many who are in pain-- it doesn’t cost money, it seems like a quick fix to a long and miserable problem, and maybe you can “lift a burden” off of others. I understand why you are considering it.
That being said, the easiest and most natural solution does not mean it is the best. There are ways to keep fighting. You matter. There are people in your life and people that will come into your life that need you.
As far as getting professional help, there are options to get help where money doesn’t have to be an issue. Please consider calling one of these hotlines to get help. They have therapist who can assist you and help you get the relief you desire. Here are some you can try:

  • Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990
  • Mental Healthline: 1-877-933-6124
  • SAMHSA: 1-800-662-HELP
  • Crisis Text Line: Text CONNECT to 741741
  • Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

We care for you and know your life has purpose and meaning. You have potential to become. Hang in there a little longer.

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thank you, i appreciate that

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hey, I’m so so so sorry you feel like this. I honestly don’t really know what to say to make it feel better apart from my heart goes out to, it honestly does. please please please keep holding on and tell your boyfriend that you feel guilty about running to him; if he truly cares about you, he’ll love ALL of you and WANT to help you.

please please talk to us if you feel like killing yourself again and tell your friends about it and about your plan to kill yourself so they can help by hiding pills or knives.

Whatever you do don’t give up im sure you have alot of people who would be devastated if something happened to you and so would all of us

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thanks so much for your message, it really means a lot. i will tell my friend and boyfriend when i feel like this again, although they wouldn’t be able to help physically since they aren’t here, but it’s better than nothing.

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Hi Limey. The act of reaching out is critical. And if someone is there to listen, they care enough to listen. And listening may be the best they can do. It is hard to talk about this. But I know from personal experience, when you can’t take care of yourself or your own emotions, all you can do is talk about how bad you feel because you don’t get any relief. I found relief 14 years ago by taking some medicine that really started working for me. I also saw this in my brother who attempted suicide. He had tried so many different medicines. One day he tried a new drug and “bam” - his voices went away. Another time, a psychiatrist had him try another drug and “bam” - his debilitating depression went away. That didn’t mean he didn’t have life challenges. For me - I went through a divorce - my wife had just left out-of-the-blue and I could not cope. I tried a medicine and suddenly my head was above water. I wasn’t drowning anymore. I still have problems - but I have a life jacket on, and I’m not constantly drowning. I hope this helps a little. You are not alone.

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thanks for replying, it means a lot to be. i’m glad all of that worked for you. unfortunately i don’t have money for medication or appointments.

Have you tried talking with mental health counselors from your city or state? My brother was working with social programs and received medicine paid for by a state or federal program. Have you googled this and looked into it? You might get free or reduced counseling and/or psychiatric help. It would be immensely helpful.

Wow. You have a lot of posts on here. What I see in what you write is a very thoughtful and reflective woman. A woman that cares a lot for others. Someone who is sensitive and can read people well. A smart woman who is very perceptive and able to think for herself. But she’s trapped. And can’t help herself. You need to find a way out of your current situation and make a place for you. That doesn’t give you a specific answer. That is your path to walk. But it is a path forward. Often times, removing yourself from a toxic situation will give you a different perspective and set of options that can lead towards healing. But it it scary. You may think you need money or friends or other things like that to help you. But you show a strength to take some next steps that will lead you in a positive path. Don’t underestimate how hard it is to be young and queer and in a toxic situation. You have the deck stacked against you. But you can prevail and move into a happier, more fulfilling and accepting life. It takes people that you meet and can trust to help you get there. I think you can. Just open yourself to consider some next steps that will be good for you. You aren’t selfish. You just can’t help or take care of others because you are struggling to take care of yourself. That looks selfish to others. But it really isn’t. I know about this personally

I have a suggestion and i dont know if your comfortable with this or not but find the person your closest to and tell them everything. Im 100% sure that person will do anything to help you.

i really appreciate your posts on here. i’m not a woman though. but anyway, i will have to look into resources, but my town is very small and i’m very far away from places. i also don’t have a car, which doesn’t help much, but i’ll still have to look.

i have been trying that, thank you. sometimes it’s hard to reach out over the same stuff, but i’ve been working on that.

Yeah just try to consider all your opinions you deserve happiness and I know you can get to it. You have come this long their is no reason to stop. Once you get over the mountain you will thank yourself every day for not taking your life

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thank you, i really appreciate that

Sorry. I realized you mentioned being queer and your boyfriend. I just got confused. I wish I could help. Hang in there!!! If you need to talk, write more and I’ll respond.

it’s okay! thanks so much for responding and listening, i really appreciate it