This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.
Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to The Grudge by Tool
I have been in recovery from addiction for almost 29 years. My adult daughter is also an addict who has struggled to get and stay clean. She has disowned me as her father on three separate occasions. The last time, I decided I had enough of the chaos and drama and accepted her declaration. I’ve been holding this as a grudge ever since. It’s been about a year since we’ve spoken and she supposedly has a year clean (I have my doubts about that). I feel justified in keeping her out of my life, but it’s getting to be a concern for me because, after all, she is my daughter. Not sure what is right here.
I can see where you’re coming from for sure. If I was in your position, honestly I would feel justified as well. Yes, she is your daughter but she’s also an adult as well. If she’s a year clean, then that’s awesome for her for sure! BTW you’re an absolute warrior for being in recovery for so long. I’m so proud of you.
What’s important for you right now is your well being. Just because you helped bring them into this world or have blood relation to them doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to keep them in your life. There’s been many blood relatives I’ve cut out of my life for exactly the same reasons. After a while the chaos just tries to undo all the progress you’ve made.
If it’s meant to be that you and your daughter will be on speaking terms again, then it will be. But after disowning you 3 times, she should be the one to reach out. I can tell you’re a great father, and showing how much you care about her still says exactly that.
Thank you for sharing. I’d first like to commend you and congratulate you on being almost 29 years clean. That is AMAZING!! And I am so happy for you and proud of you because sobriety is not an easy journey but you did it and are doing it!
I am sorry to hear about the conflict you have been experiencing over the years with your daughter. I can understand how this puts you in a place of uncertainty and confusion on how to move forward and what to do. Sometimes there isn’t really a right or wrong decision, just the decision that you think will be the best for everyone involve, and importantly yourself and your wellbeing. And as an outsider looking in, I think it that it boils down to a reflection about what it is that you want. Do you want to make another attempt to repair the relationship with your daughter? Do you think that would be helpful for you two or will it cause more damage?
Sometimes it can be hard to make objective decisions when it is about family. But if you truly believe that remaining at a distance is what would be best for yourself and even for your daughter as well, then it is okay to continue giving that a try. Maybe somewhere further down the road feelings and minds will change.
It’s okay to not have all the answers now. You are thinking about it from a genuine place and you mean well. I wish you the best in your decision and keep up your awesome sobriety efforts!
