I have resplase tonight
I flip out on my mom and scream in her face, saying fuck you, and made her cry. Two weeks ago I have abuse my self and tonight i have bit my arm. Im act like I was an 5 year old. I cant control my emoitions, my actons and my words. I try reading rewrite book, try CBS and try mediations. Im never going to get better, nothing is going to change and it never going get better. I learn to aspect what i am.
Im an abuse person.
I feel my only way to control the situation is to snap and mentally hurt someone. Its my way of defenting myself. I have of really hurting people. like breaking their face and hurting them. I hate of what I have become, Im became everything i have hated and there no going back. I lost my self respect and my morals. I dont if I can change
@Metalskater1990 Thank you for sharing that. It takes a lot of courage to be open about those things.
You are going to get better.
Everything is going to change.
It’s not meant to be who you are and that can change right now.
You don’t have to be a “religious” person at all but just ask God for help. You don’t have to think he won’t forgive you, because he promised that he will and he never lies. Plus, half the books of the New Testament were written by a former murderer, Paul. Just get down on your knees and say you’re sorry and that you want to be a new person. Come to him as the abusive person, but when you’re done praying you’ll be turned into a gentle and kind one. And even if you mess up after that, you’ll still be the gentle and kind person because if God gives you a new identity, you can’t take it away from yourself.
And you can be raw with God. He doesn’t need “fancy prayers” but he just wants you to be real. Scream, yell, cry, do whatever you want and he will listen. He listens because he cares, even after all you’ve done. He’s never stopped loving you the entire time, and he’ll also help you love other people in the same way that he loves you. Jesus took all the abuse on the cross so that you would never have to take any of it, and also that the old abusive person can be replaced by a loving, self-controlled person like him.
I believe in you man. God believes in you too. Just cry out to him. Like I said, just call out to him and he’ll make you a brand new person.