I have had a crush on a girl for years ive told he

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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Slipknot Vermilion pt 2
I have had a crush on a girl for years, I’ve told her but she just wants to be friends. I thought she could fix me. I cant not think about her. I can’t stop and it hurts. I don’t cry that often but I listened to this and fell apart. I need help man. Please

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Hey my friend. Thanks so much for being so honest here and bearing your heart and soul. I know this must be so heavy and I appreciate the opportunity to be here in the moment.

In your post, you mention that you asked a girl out that just wants to be friends. You then thought that maybe she could fix you and are fixated on her and the possible rejection it sounds like.

Im so sorry. I truly am. That doesnt come from a place of pity or a place of judgement - but I get it.

I imagine feeling empty. Like, having feelings for this person and feeling up when you’re with them and just wanting to continue that. And to find out that they don’t feel quite the same. I can imagine how hard that must hurt.

I understand where youre coming from.

I can relate to it a bit I think. When I was younger, 15, 16, 17, I was in a lot of relationships. I would feel so up, and so happy when I was with them. It was almost like I was healthier. “Fixed.” My self consciousness went away. I wasnt depressed. I was so excited to start each day. I was giving the world my all.

Until i wasnt.

After a few months, each relationship was start to go sour. Id turn jealous. Or depressed. Or feel less excited. Things would start to fall apart.

It wasnt until like an entire decade later, in therapy, that I figured out why. I was looking for relationships as a way to feel good about myself. Like, if someone else liked me, then I was worth something. I was valued. I was needed. But it was always temporary relief. And then the low self esteem and fear would pop back in.

When you said “i thought she could fix me” - i felt that. I was subconsciously thinking that for years.

The truth, at least for me, is that it was never fair for me to ask my partner to save me. And in my current relationship, my marriage, we dont have that dynamic. We are two separate people living our lives together. I can lean on her if she needs. She can on me. But we’re both responsible for putting in the work to maintain ourselves.

I dont think you need fixing. Fixing implies brokenness. And I dont think you are broken. I think that people have pain and they look for things to help that pain. Some people maybe drink. Some people try substances. Others turn to people. I personally got addicted to feeling wanted and idolized it.

I dont know what your future looks like. But you are not alone in the way you feel. If what you said resonated with me, then it has to resonate with tons of other people too, yeah?

I know the hurt, right now, is very real. And that may make it hard to logically process this. And that’s ok. Take the time you need my friend and feel your feelings. We will be right here when you need. Because you’re a human, not a robot. And that is good enough. You are good enough.

Thank you for being you. I am proud of you friend.

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