I have no idea what to do

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i’m not sure how to start, I never tried to write how I feel or anything related to me so sorry if it’s a bit weird

my goals are to move to canada, be a great programmer and music artist, that’s what I want to be.

so I’m now 18 and I planned to finish university in my country which will take about 4 years and then move to canada as soon as I can.

my uncle who lives in canada, suggested that I should save up to 40K CAD to pay for tuition and then apply to canadian university, because that would be the easiest way to get there, not as professional, but as a student.

I agree, that sounds like a much better plan to get there as soon as possible instead learning here for 4 years, and then trying somehow to get there would take much longer than just saving for 2 years and getting enough for tution.

but the issue is, I hate talking with people, and i have to find a job, i have no idea how to do that.
when i was in school i never really had to talk with anyone, i just practiced to exams and listened to the teachers in class and that’s about it, In the last 4 or 5 years i never really had friends i can talk with, i just felt like i don’t belong anywhere and i’m just a waste of time and i’m just an annoying person, therefore I isolated myself from everyone and never really talked with anyone.

Now that i have to find a job to achive my goals, i can’t really do that because to get a job you have to talk with people and in the job you have to talk with people and i hate that, i’m also scared of doing something wrong in the work and disappoint the one who i work for/with and/or people i know.

either if i stay to learn here or go learn in canada, both paths require work, it’s just that learning in canada requires to talk with people on english, which i’m absolutly horrible at. i want to get as much time as possible to learn to speak english but i also want to get to canada as soon as possible, because i hate where i am right now

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Welcome to the HS community Kanade, I’m glad you are here. It is a great place to talk about things that concern you. It seems that you have more figured out about what you would like to do than you may realize. To have decided on a career path and where you would like to study are two really big decisions. That you have an uncle in Canada is good. His advice to apply to go to university there is good advice. It’s easier to get in on a student visa than a work visa. I live in the US near Canada. Now you need to learn how to search and apply for a job when you are unsure about talking to people. Trying new things is often difficult and scary and can be anxiety provoking. If English is your second language, you did well in writing your post here. Practice in writing and speaking English will help your confidence with the language. And I know English is not an easy language to learn so good for you for learning so much already.

I would like to tell you that you are most definitely not a waste of time, you are not annoying and you belong and deserve a place to grow and thrive and succeed. And sometimes it takes small steps and practice to learn how to talk with people again. Can you go some place near you where you would need to talk with others such as a coffee shop or small store and you can start practicing your speaking and interacting skills? As you gain confidence you can do more and work up to applying for a job locally to start earning that money for college?

Practice your English, start with small outings to speak with people and little by little hopefully you can gain the confidence to apply for that job, earn your tuition and go to college in Canada. It’s a beautiful country with great opportunity and worth working for. You and your future are worth working for. You can do this - one step at a time. I wish you well young friend and I hope to hear about what you do next.

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Thanks a lot for taking time to write this, it means a lot to me, and you helped me understand what i should do now: practice talking with people.

I face a lot problems when it comes to talking with people even when it’s just chatting online.

If i want to start a conversation with someone i worry that they are not interested in talking with me, and i’ll just make them hate me if i try, or i just never have anything to talk about with them and it’ll just make me look weird if i start talking with them.

If someone starts a conversation with me, all i can do is answer their questions, i never bring up anything in the conversation unless i’m asked to do that, also when i’m asked something i’m thinking a lot about my answers, i’m thinking about things like “will what i’m about to say make them hate me” or “will that make me look weird” or “will my answer haunt me for the rest of my life” because that happend already and that’s not a nice feeling, it takes so much time for me to give an answer that it makes the whole situation awkward.

also if i try to speak without thinking a lot, i say dumb things and then i feel embarrassed. and when i speak, i speak so quitely that i can barely be heard, so i have to say the same thing over and over again until they hear me, which again, making the whole situation awkward.

so much problems in just speaking with people, it makes me not wanting to even try.

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@Kanade, thank you for taking the time to read my response and “talk” with me. I know that talking face to face with others and writing our thoughts like we are now are two different things. But that being said, I would like to encourage you. I am finding in our conversation here that you communicate well. What you have said here is well thought out, insightful, intelligent and quite understandable. You have good insight into what you are concerned about. You use the English language well. Can I suggest that you see these skills as being able to be used in helping you in becoming more comfortable in speaking with others? Like I said, small steps. Do little things that will build your confidence. I suspect you do over think your answers as you said and if you can find a way to work through that, you will find conversation to be a bit easier to do. I believe in you and that you are more able than you know.

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so i guess my overthinking is the core of this issue, or maybe part of it? i’m not sure. i think it has been with me for 5 or even more years, and it will be hard to stop it, so how do i stop overthinking stuff?

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Kanade, over thinking is probably part of the issue and it takes again, small steps in changing how you respond to situations to learn how to not over think or even better just trust yourself. But that self trust is gained one situation at a time, one conversation at a time. Life is a process and communicating with others effectively is a process to be learned. One step at a time. One risk, one practice, one try at a time. Will you always get it right? Probably not, since none of us do. But we learn, we forgive ourselves and let go and move forward to the next time. You can do this. Step by step my friend.

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Hello,

Maybe you not like to speak to people is a personal perception because, even though we are separated by screens, you have spoken perfectly with us. You have certainly explained in detail the situation and although it may seem hard to you and you are somewhat blocked, in your own words is the solution. You have such a studied and clear objective (much more than other people who in that person/professional aspect may be more lost) that it would be a pity if you didn’t go for that objective with all your strength and put all the means to achieve it. Sometimes, we avoid taking certain steps because we are afraid to move forward. I hope this is not your case. Canada is waiting for you! All the best, S

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