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I have no one - every day/night

I’m Isolated in a small town. Everything is a drive away, and my beater of a truck is failing.
I have no one to talk to on a regular basis, no prospects of a girlfriend, or actual friends, and its all starting to hurt really bad…
Most of my family has passed on. The few that have not don’t want anything to do with me.

I spend most nights on the internet playing games, or watching mindless crap that makes me feel even slightly happy… Recently games and videos don’t cut it anymore.

I’m tired of being alone. I want human contact. I want to actually be wanted by someone. I don’t want to spend every goddamned night alone anymore.
The nights are the worst… There is no-where near open past 10pm. Everyone is home with their families. (which I don’t have…) I try to find anything to do to keep my hands busy, but it doesn’t feel like what I want to do. I want people. Actual people, not on a screen, that are interested in what I have to say, and feel.
I can’t take being isolated anymore, and don’t know what to do…

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I understand the loneliness and I’m sorry to hear that your life is like that. I have not tried this myself but I’ve heard of websites for finding friends, one is meetup.com. Also I found a few Facebook groups dedicated to finding friends for my state. You might search Facebook for any in your city. I have not posted in the group yet so I haven’t gotten a chance to see if you can actually build friendships through it but I see posts from other members everyday. You have nothing to loose by trying it. In addition to finding friends, maybe picking up some hobbies would give you something new to do.

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I’ve yet to find a meetup that is less than an hour drive from where I am at, and isn’t disappointing after said drive… Most still are devolving into glorified zoom meetings because of the pandemic surge. I want something real - in person, not behind a screen. I also stopped using facebook, or social media for this reason. I hate its effect, and decided to opt out.

I’ve got so many hobbies its not funny. I have literal piles of activities that I have tried to keep my hands busy. None of them hold any interest for long anymore. If they do not include people, It just feels like yet another thing in life I get to do alone, and causes things to spiral.

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You could create a Facebook almost solely for the purpose of being in those groups, you don’t have to engage with it in other ways. I understand wanting to do things with people. I know how hobbies can get old if you’re doing them by yourself repeatedly. Maybe if you find someone to get close with, they can come to your house so you wouldn’t have to be the one driving, that would be a great scenario.

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Facebook just isnt my thing… sorry. Too many bad experiences.

I’d love to find someone to get close with, that would actually come over… Every time I think I am getting close to someone, they find someone better, and ditch me. It really hurts.

I keep trying, but am starting to wonder if I am going to die alone…

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Aoi’s Story
I was just in first grade, but I was already being treated like trash. Sometimes people would try to be my friend, but I would accidentally say something rude and they would just leave me. I blamed myself, but my mom said it was because I was so naive. I kept accidentally being rude. No one believed me when I told them that I didn’t mean to be mean. I also understand some things in a different way than most people do. I understand things in logic and thought, but not always in words. My dad always says, “If you understand it, then you can explain it.” That is truly not the case. And by only first grade, I was already being bullied, and rejected, and accidentally being rude to people and them leaving me. But in the middle of first grade, a new student came. He is in a special class, because he is blind. He always carries a walking stick to feel where he’s going, and his eyes are grey and clouded over. He walked up, shakily, to the front of the classroom, stood next to the teacher. He said that his name was Hiroyoshi, and he calls himself Hiroyo. He said that his dream was to be a professional volleyball player, and to play among people who could see. He already had a dream, in first grade. I could tell by the sound in his voice that he knew how hard he would have to work to achieve his dream. And again, I thought I saw an opportunity to make a new friend. I talked to him, and he listened. And soon I was walking him to class, and we would have conversations. He never left me, even when I accidentally said something rude. And we both got bullied, but we stood up for each other. We taught ourselves how to fight with the walking stick. And our friendship grew so close, that I had to tell him about how I was not really the one being rejected, but the one rejecting, even if it be by accident. But I could not explain it. I tried. I thought that I knew no one would understand. But Hiroyo said, “I understand more than I can express. I can’t explain it either, though.” And I could tell by the sincerity in his voice, that he really meant it. Hiroyo showed me that it was not my fault for accidentally being rude and not being able to explain things, and though the people who left me may be good people, they are not my friends. Hiroyo is such a good friend to me, that he understands how I feel without even seeing my face, and I don’t have to say much to him for him to understand my troubles. And over the years, we grew so close that we thought of each other as family, and whenever Hiroyo was not feeling confident, my hugs would always comfort him. And we would sit in a field together, and I would look into the sunset and he would smell the flowers. I wish that could have lasted forever. But one day, in high school, Hiroyo told me that his family was moving away. His face was stricken with the tears pouring from his beautiful eyes. He told me that I was like family to him too, and that wherever he got to be with me was truly his home. He collapsed into my arms, and I held him in a loving embrace for a very long time. Once his cold tears were dry, new, warm, stinging tears formed when he tried to talk. And he spoke through his sobs. He promised to me that he would come back to me, no matter what, and that part of what made him himself was that he never went back on his promises. Even now that he has moved to another town, he is still the person closest to me in soul. And I believe that he will keep his promise, and come back, no matter what, no matter how many years it is, and how much I’ve changed without him. And I believe, that even if you are not in first grade, that a friend will come to you, who makes a close bond with your soul, and understands how you feel without you even trying to explain it.

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