i know that no one is going to respond to this, but i thought i’d give it a shot. i’m new to all of this so i don’t really know how it works, but here’s a short version of my problem. i have depression and anxiety, i take medication for both. but lately, nothing has been going right for me. i self harmed a lot a year or so ago, but now i’m back at it. i tried really hard not to, but things got to be too much. and i’ve thought about ending my life multiple times. i’m really uncomfortable with my body as well as my personality. im fat and ugly to say the least. people have told me this before, although some say otherwise. i’ve been assaulted and i’ve been used. i think i’m annoying, probably why i don’t have friends. i don’t have anyone to talk to so i usually keep all of this bottled up. i stumbled upon this site hoping that someone, anyone will help me. please. what can i do to make it all better?
Man, this is such a brutal post…yes, you’ve faced tons of past pain, yes, you’re in this place where you feel totally stuck, AND…I think the hardest part to read is that some of the things or words or people from your past have led you to believe these lies about yourself…that’s the most brutal part, is that these things that AREN’T true about you – because of all the pain – have been told to you like they are true…but dear friend, they aren’t. You might feel uncomfortable in your body or your personality, but likely that’s not because there’s anything wrong with either…likely it’s because other people have taken advantage of you and hurt you and taught you through their brokenness and bullshit that you aren’t enough or that you’re too much. And that’s just not true. No matter what you might be able to counter it with – you are beautiful because you’re you. Exactly as you are, right here and now. You are unique, you are beautiful, and your life matters. This post, your story, your life…matters. Thank you for trusting us enough to post on here. I think the best thing you can do to make it all better is to begin to fight back against those lies with the truth…because the way YOU believe about yourself is going to be the way you see things, and the way you experience them. So, maybe journal for a second…where did you start to believe these lies? What pain caused them? And then take a step back and realize that these lies were TAUGHT to you…you learned them – which is really hopeful, because just like anything else, you can learn a new truth. What is the truth you WANT to believe about yourself? Those are some good places to start. Know this, though: it’s a journey, a process. And you were never meant to walk it alone. Please continue to reach out – this is a great place for you to process with others. Wherever you choose to reach out, just continue to do it, because the things you’ve experienced…you’re not alone in any of it, friend. <3 Hold fast
i honestly wasn’t expecting any type of response. thank you so much for taking the time to say this to me. it is truly hard for me to believe when some say “i’m beautiful” and such. i’ve had so many people tell me otherwise and i just can’t look at myself anymore without hurting. i’ve tried taking a journal before, but i’ve never been able to stick to it. it’s like once i start, i always allow something to ruin it. i start to believe the lies again, and then they’re not really lies anymore. i try my best, but it never really works out.
Beauty is a garden, not a ladder. The world would have us compete for the title of ‘beautiful’ that requires us to meet the world’s expectations of us.You find your true beauty when you decide what makes you beautiful for you.
Ways I find you beautiful?
- Your bravery to speak up
- Your will to keep going
- Your drive to get better
I struggle with the same lies. Lies that others told me for so long, I thought they must be true. They aren’t. Telling my thoughts to stop screaming them at me is really hard some days. So I wrote them all down and posted them up next to my mirror. A sheet of paper with lies on one side and my truth on the other. Even if my mind is loud, I know that the paper is proof of the truth.
You are worth the fight.
i appreciate you responding. thank you for your positive words. i think i might try posting them next to my mirror as well. even though looking in the mirror is pretty hard for me at this point.
Nevaeh, first off, you thought no one would respond to this…well HA! In your face!..With love!
I know what you’re going through, I have always been very self conscious about the way I look and the way people see me. I’ve been called fat and ugly as well, but I promise you, those people’s opinions don’t matter, those that aim to hurt others are hurting themselves, they aren’t getting the love they need in their life either.
I’ve never self harmed but I used to fill my void with drugs and alcohol. I know what it’s like to feel like you need that crutch, but I can say with full confidence that you will find your way out of it.
Keep your chin up friend.
Hey , you are not fat or ugly , you are you. I know it is so hard to try and not relapse . Ending your life is not a good choice . We care about you and we want to see you better . Your loved .With the relapsing thing , I know how you feel . I may almost be a year clean but TBH , I’m afraid of relapsing because I came so far . You are not alone Nevaeh.
Thank you for trusting us here and reaching out. I’m sorry that you’re struggling this way.
I have been assaulted in the past and I’m struggling to move on too - I’m in and out of phases where I’m unhappy with how I look and I’m dealing with self harm and addiction. I never had anyone to talk too until I came across HeartSupport. I honestly want to say that if people say these things to you - they’re not worth your time. You’re already taking the steps for helping yourself. Come and join our Discord server and participating in our streams - you’ll make some amazing friends and insane encouragement. You’ll never be alone. I’ve found my recovery and it’s not a smooth ride, honestly, I’ve relapsed in my self harm so many times, but it’s so much easier to keep fighting with the right people… This place, this community is full of those. You can also check out ReWrite which is a book on self-harm… You can buy it on amazon or get it free from the HeartSupport website! If you need that resource but can’t afford it, please email Dan or Casey [email protected] / [email protected] <<< either of these emails works!
You are not ugly and I say this from experience. You think this because of how people have mistreated you or have not treat you the way you wish. You want closure about many things. The only closure you’ll have is the closure you initiate.
The only true ugliness is on the inside when those voices speak and they speak harsh things. Good thing they’re mostly delusions and lies.
(Delusions are lies we may believe and sometimes persist in believing. They’re influenced by moods, illusions, halluciations and ignorance.)
You are a beautiful person and need to know it because beautiful people express themselves.
There have been so many beautiful people I met in this community. I hope you return and join the other beautiful people that I’ve met. I hope the best for you.
i’m just going to start out by saying how amazing that it is, all the love being poured out for you. it’s a beautiful thing. we all love you and what your going through is incredibly difficult to go through. i’ve been through some of this stuff. it does get better though. sometimes, it takes a while but it does. any time you need a friend you have me and lots of other people on here. you’ve made it this far. i believe in you. you _can_do this. hold fast. i’ll be praying for you
Thank you so much for the kind words Nolan. I’m trying the best i can to keep my chin held high, but it’s a little rough sometimes. i appreciate you helping me.
thank you i really appreciate what you said. i was so afraid of relapsing and it eventually consumed me. i hate myself for it. but i’m proud of you for making it to a year of being clean.
Thank you Kayla. I really appreciate what you said. i figured that since i had no one else, i’d try to find someone here. and it turns out that everyone is super nice. i keep hearing about Discord, but i don’t really know what it is.
thank you for responding, even though you really didn’t have to. you along with everyone else on this site so far are so sweet and i really appreciate it. thank you for believing in me.
thank you for saying such kind things. you don’t know how much it means to me. i’m glad i’ve sort of met you and everyone else that has responded. i cant thank you enough.
hi. thank you for all of the support. it means a lot to me. it’s crazy because i don’t even know these people and they’re still so supportive, i appreciate it greatly.
:You matter 100000000% . You are An amazing person. You are brave enough to share this story. I can relate on some of the things you’ve gone through. If your watching this stream, I love you. <3
thank you. i really appreciate it
Here is our video response along with @mxiety on Twitch: