honestly being in a house with my abuser and toxic people is draining as hell. i’ve tried to get a job, this town is small and didn’t have anything before the pandemic but now there’s really nothing. so honestly i don’t know when i’ll be able to leave. and now more people from my family are staying here and they always side with people who abused me and tell me to move on. i can’t deal with this amount of people. i’ll have to even more people breathing down my neck and guilting me. i just want to fucking hide. i can’t stay with anyone while they’re here either because i don’t have friends in the area and my boyfriend is three hours away. so i have no escape, like always. i don’t know how to cope. even if i go on walks people always try to pry and make me feel bad for leaving.
this is just making me even more suicidal than before and i don’t think my mind can handle anymore of this. even hearing my family talk is incredibly triggering and overwhelming. i can’t even go downstairs to get something to eat or drink without being stared at and having people talk about me as soon as i go back up the stairs. they don’t understand fucking anything and try to guilt me for everything and anything (especially not accepting my abuser).