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I have nothing left, i don’t know what to do

honestly being in a house with my abuser and toxic people is draining as hell. i’ve tried to get a job, this town is small and didn’t have anything before the pandemic but now there’s really nothing. so honestly i don’t know when i’ll be able to leave. and now more people from my family are staying here and they always side with people who abused me and tell me to move on. i can’t deal with this amount of people. i’ll have to even more people breathing down my neck and guilting me. i just want to fucking hide. i can’t stay with anyone while they’re here either because i don’t have friends in the area and my boyfriend is three hours away. so i have no escape, like always. i don’t know how to cope. even if i go on walks people always try to pry and make me feel bad for leaving.

this is just making me even more suicidal than before and i don’t think my mind can handle anymore of this. even hearing my family talk is incredibly triggering and overwhelming. i can’t even go downstairs to get something to eat or drink without being stared at and having people talk about me as soon as i go back up the stairs. they don’t understand fucking anything and try to guilt me for everything and anything (especially not accepting my abuser).

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@limeytea thank you for reaching out :yellow_heart: The feeling of being stuck or trapped is absolutely horrible and I can feel that frustration in your post. You have been fighting through this draining chapter for a long time it seems like. I’m sorry that you’re surrounded by people who are trying to keep you down instead of build you up, that you don’t feel free to leave the house or live your life right now, that you’re trapped with your abuser. This is a crazy hard and stressful time. This won’t be the situation forever – I know that’s hard to imagine right now but the only constant in life is change. It might not be this week or this month but it is worth holding onto. Your life is full of potential and there are so many people in this world who love you and can treat you differently than your family. You can get through this and find the people who can support you and provide you with pleasant company. You can get through this and fight the suicidal voice in your head. My hope for you is that you can feel and know that there is another chapter ahead and that this painful position won’t be forever and holding on through this will be worth it.
Since you’re in a secluded area, are there any interests you can connect with people over online? Like maybe gaming or chat rooms? You reached out here and that’s freaking amazing. We care about you and are happy to listen. Thank you and stay strong :hrtlegolove:

thank you for replying, it really means a lot.

honestly i wouldn’t know where to start or even how to talk to people in communities because i always feel ignored when i try to talk. i’m not very good at talking or keeping a conversation going either. i only like very few things so it’s hard for me to find communities that won’t ignore me or have basically no one there to interact with.

update:
after one day of dealing with every family member here, i’m extremely close to just taking my life. i’ve been feeling like anything can set me off for the past couple months and i think this is just pushing me. i just idk i almost took my life a couple days ago and now with all of this, i am closer than before.

For all of us here and everyone that loves you please dont. And for yourself of course your life can only go up from here not down you just gotta try to put yourself in uncomfortable positions to be more successful. So please don’t take your life because none of us want to see that

it’s just idk i have a hard time believing that because for ten years my life has only gone downhill and i don’t want to hurt anyone, but it’s just too much

Just trust me a terrible life is better than no life and anything can change for the better at any moment

i have a question i heard this one time and it really made me think but do you actually wanna kill yourself or do you just want the pain to end

i want the pain to end but i have no other options at this point

do you think talking on this site has helped u at all or no

a little, it’s a good place to vent and be heard. it doesn’t solve everything, but sorta helps.