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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to The Grudge by Tool
I have struggled from a hyper-abusive childhood and into a journey of growth to ensure the cycles are broken and my children never suffer this way but the weight of that responsibility is crushing and often times the only thing I can tell myself is that my 8 year old needs and deserves me around to be the same father for her that my 28 year old daughter had. Please review Citizen Soldier’s Strong For Somebody Else. It is my anthem atm and I believe it can help so many others who struggle for a reason. Ty.
You are a good dad. You really are. The way you understand yourself, your story, the way you’ve chosen to break these generational patterns and apply it into your life… It’s beautiful. You are beautiful. You are doing the work, and even though it might not feel like it, you are a daily life hero to your children.
I’m not a parent, but have promised to myself that the narrative of trauma and abuse in my family will stop with me. Being the youngest one, I refuse to pass the same pain to any other human being that my parents inflicted on me. There’s power in this refusal, in the recognition of the injustice. Of wanting to do differently.
It’s so powerful to take the matter at hands and realize that you CAN choose what your life will be and who you are, even if you’ve experienced such depth of trauma and abuse at a young age. Somehow, it is because of this deep awareness and pain that you know what you DON’T want in your life, and that is such a strong testimony of your soul, your willingness to do good and to not let your past define you in the present.
I imagine how challenging and conflicting this must have been as a parent at times. Navigating between what is right yet also having room for your own inner child to mourn and seek comfort when he needs it. To be a parent while learning to re-parent yourself. To keep on going during days when the pain feels soul-crushing. You’ve set a direction and follow it beautifully, but the fight keeps on going internally, and childhood trauma has such a way to affect pretty much every area of our life, showing up randomly too.
From a stranger on the internet: I’m so proud of you. So proud of your willingness to not repeat what your parents did. So proud of the way you love and care for your children. So proud that you are here today, using your voice, showing your vulnerable side so it doesn’t have to live in complete darkness or isolation. You matter, my friend. You always did, and you always will. To your children, to the people in your life who have the joy to know you, to us here in this community. You belong.
