I-have-this-friend-who-might-have-bpd-but-undiagno

From Rosy Cherry: I have this friend who might have BPD but undiagnosed (I mentioned it to him and he realized after a bit of research the symptoms fit him pretty well; also maybe Bipolar but seems unlikely and BPD fits better- havent done too much research into it yet though so take that with a grain of salt) and he has these mood swings where sometimes he’s really really happy and other times he’s really really sad and idk what to do when he’s sad
Ik from experience that he’ll be happy again later and I get kinda exhausted with trying to calm him down like 14 times a week every depressive episode he gets, so recently I’ve js been kinda mostly ignoring his negative comments when he’s sad and maybe giving a basic response if it fits (like “I do care :people_hugging:”) but idk if I should be doing that bc it feels like im being mean by ignoring him
But also I don’t want to use my energy on him every time he’s sad (which is frequent) cuz like sometimes im tired and I’d rather spend that hour of time to myself than on comforting him (ofc comforting every now and then is fine it’s js really hard when its so frequent)

But yeah idk what to do or if the thing im doing is ok or not :frowning:
(I js want him to be happy)

3 Likes

From mystrose: I have BPD and one of my biggest fears is that I’m going to be too much for my close friends. I think it’s pretty cool that you’re concerned with your friend and want them to be happy. First, there is a lot to BPD and a person can have some of the 9 traits and not actually have BPD. You have to have 5 or more of the traits and they have to be moderate to severe in order for someone to be diagnosed.

They need to see their doctor and get a proper diagnosis.

I think something that works with my friends and I is having clear boundaries. For yourself and them. You need to take care of your own mental health and if your friend comes to you for support, it’s your choice to give them your time or not. I think if you were to have an honest chat with them and let them know that you can’t always be available to them and why, they will take it better than you just ignoring them. We pick up on when our friends seem “off” and if we don’t know why, we will fill in the blanks with our biggest fear. Being abandoned or rejected. So, being honest is always going to help.

There is a chance that you have become their favorite person, so you might want to look into that. This video below will explain this and help you with some insight. You can also look up Dr. Daniel Fox on YouTube, he has lots of videos about BPD and how to cope with it for loved ones.

You’re a great friend and I hope that things go smoothly for you.

1 Like

From Rosy Cherry: Tysm!!! This really helps!! :smiley:

1 Like

From mystrose: You’re very welcome :heart:===

Rosy Cherry,

I too have a friend with BPD and I have a family member with BPD. I think it’s really good that you want to help and support your friend in their mental health journey. It’s a really caring thing to do and I’m glad you realize that this can become a big undertaking for you. But that is all in how you manage your own time and emotions. First, I’m going to echo everything @Mystrose said. She’s right about your friend needing to see a dr for a formal diagnosis. But regardless of whether your friend has BPD, Bipolar or some other diagnosis - you need to know how to set boundaries that are healthy for both of you. Be kind and honest in a conversation about this. Tell them that while you are there for them, you can’t always be there right when they may contact you. Reassure them you will get back to them. If I have a day coming up that’s going to get busy, I’ll let my friend know ahead of time so they can anticipate me not be as available. Sometimes I’ll text if things get hectic just to let them know that I’m busy.

Like Mystrose said, their biggest fear is that they’ll be “too much” and will be rejected or abandoned. So they may either try to “hold in” the emotions out of fear that they’ll drive you away. On the other hand they may push you away to prevent you from rejecting them. Either way, be gentle, honest and caring in how you talk to them. Gentleness and honesty are your best tools. Most of all be a real friend and share your life with them. Don’t always let the conversation be about them. They need to know you value them as a friend too.

Please let us know how you and your friend are doing and take good care of you.

2 Likes

From Rosy Cherry: Yaa ty for the help!! ^^=