Tonight I haven’t even made it to my bed and I am fighting back the urge to cry. I feel so fucking alone and I invited my friend over, but they are not in the mood to do so. I lied and said it was fine, but I really wanted their company. I don’t like to seem needy or desperate for attention so I lie to him and fight the urge to message anyone else. Like why can I not be a fucking adult and be ok with being alone? Why can I not just be happy with the fact that I have three beautiful children and accomplish my goals on my own? What is wrong with me?! Jesus!
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Hello! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. I do believe it’s human nature to have human interaction and make connections. If you didn’t feel that need, you wouldn’t be human. It seems like you’ve been fighting with yourself on whether or not you deserve attention. And you’ve been forcing yourself to stay alone for some reason. Well I don’t think you should have to do that. And being connected with others does not mean that your not an adult. Once it again it means your human. But what it comes down to is finding the right people to connect with. The people that can truly give you the time of day. The ones that truly have your back. And once you find that person or those people, I think you’ll see a big burden lifted off your shoulders. It’s gonna take some work and some effort to find those right people, but I know you can do it!
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Hey @grandmastrqueen, I feel this so much. It sucks to be alone or even just feel alone. What I’ve learned is it’s okay to ask for help. If you need someone, don’t be ashamed to admit that. Also, I know with COVID right now, a lot of people are feeling this way. You’re not alone, we’re here for you!
Hold Fast,
SJ
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Friend, I’m really sorry you felt so vulnerable. Having a hard time being alone is really understandable, especially these days. There’s is nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with you. You’re fighting your own battles. It’s totally okay to need to be acknowledged, seen, heard, to get attention from the people you love.
You really are not childish for having those needs and desires. Only a very strong human being who also need to feel loved and companionship, like we all do. We all need to spend time with others, to connect and interact. And even just with covid, the word “isolation” takes a very different shape, even for people who were used to live by themselves. You’re not guilty for feeling. 
I hope you and your friend will be able to spend some time together soon. It’s also good that they trust you enough to say no when they feel the need to. It’s a mark of trust. Being open to each other can be a way to create strong bonds too.
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