I just can’t climb the mountain

I’ve struggled these past few months. I have depression and anxiety both together along with ADHD don’t make things too much fun. I was doing fine until a few months ago an extremely close friend of mine hurt me very badly to the point of betrayal and just shattering my heart. Having horrible trust issues I trusted him. I felt like he was one of the good guys like he understood me and what I went through. However he completely deserted me. Like he fell off the face of the earth in my world. Everyday going to school was just gut wrenching. Having no energy no motivation to do anything because my world turned upside down. About a month later I was in a very bad car accident with that same person and we totaled each other’s cars. It gets to the point where you question everything. What if it had been worse? What if I had been hurt worse? Maybe if I died it wouldn’t be so bad. I wasn’t suicidal but thoughts lingered. You think when you’re driving we’ll maybe if I had hit that tree it wouldn’t be so bad and thoughts like that. I didn’t drive for two months after that until I was forced too. I’d have dreams about the wreck and the awful things people said. No matter who was right or wrong it was still my fault. It’s aboug loyalty and who you’ve known the longest where I’m live. It gave me some PTSD going around that curve in the car with my mom it just made me shutter and trigger an anxiety attack. You get emotionally involved with someone and then you’re ripped apart and you don’t know how to think or breathe without them. He was my best friend. It’s goten a little bit better but I still feel depressed and run down. I just don’t know if I can climb that mountain anymore. Does anyone have any advice to give me? Anything that could help?

Hey friend. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Losing a friend is one of the worst feelings in the world. I had a bad break up with my best friend of 15 years and it’s been 2 years since we spoke. It still hurts to this day. However I’ve found so many new amazing friends through this community and I advise if you haven’t already you intergrate into the discord server if possible because there are so many amazing people there as well as here. Relationship break ups are a 2 way deal and it’s not your fault. As for the car crash that’s horrible but again you can’t just blame yourself. Are you and you parents or a member in your family close? If so talk to them. Tell them what’s going on. They can help. If not, look into counselling or therapy if it’s an option. You could even try talking to your doctor about medication if that’s something you believe in. I would also advise looking into HeartSupports Dwarf Planet book if you don’t already own a copy. It’s an amazing resource that helps you to face the things keeping you from moving forward and has already helped me SO MUCH in the first 3 chapters.
These feelings won’t last forever and you will be free of them and come to terms with what happened. It will take time, but it will happen. We are so grateful that you chose to post here. Keep coming back whenever you need. You’ll get through this. You are strong enough.

Kayla

I’ve heard a lot about heart support before posting here I just never knew about this whole open loving community it’s something I’ve needed I just never knew I had. My mom and I are very very open with each other so she knows I struggle with this I just sometimes don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone. I tend to shut people out and that’s what I struggle with. I am not a therapy person at all I’ve tried it and I hated it because I was forced to go. I do believe in medication. I am on ADHD medicine and birth control and it helps me a lot to pay attention and do my work in school so that’s why I’ve shyed away from anti depressants and anti anxiety cause it might effect my heart. I do plan to check out that book Dwarf Planet from what you said it can help a lot. I’m just so exhausted feeling like I’m drowning everyday.

sds1,

I can empathize with you regarding the thought of, “I’m not suicidal, but I wouldn’t care if [x] happened to me and I died because of it.” The best way I’ve found to combat these thoughts is to think of your friends and family. They would be mortified if something happened to you. When all hope is lost, keep pushing. Your friends and family are counting on you. You’re loved and appreciated. I, too, struggle on-and-off again with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I take medication for both in order to stabilize myself; perhaps you could try it out too and if you don’t like it then to discontinue it?

When you’re ready, I would highly recommend revisiting counseling. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. The trick is, though, to find the counselor that best fits you. Once you find the perfect one, the rest is history. I hope this helps!!

If you cant climb that mountain right now, maybe try to climb a hill thats before it. It’s intense to try to get ride of trauma that severe but maybe rather than drive around the corner walk it around it. Maybe plan out a long term solution that you believe you can achieve. Take your time with it, take care of yourself.

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Thank you all I’ve never really opened up like this before and it’s kind of scary but this actually helps a lot having advice and something to relate to. I appreciate this a lot.

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